Goonhub
06-19-2024, 04:48 PM
I hate that I even have to make this thread, and yet I hate that I waited so long.
So, I have a bit of history with Zamujasa. She runs this little offsite community. We'd talk about video games or whatever, I'd come into her streams, generally pretty chill stuff.
Then one day she invited me to play Goonstation. My god, what a game. But as it turns out, I'm not the best at roleplaying or even following rules 100% to the letter. And Zamujasa turns out to be the one with the least patience for this. To the extent that I have been punished on multiple occasions before I was even aware I crossed a line, and frequently pushed out of discussing things further. And if this is still not the place to have an honest discussion, then no such place exists.
So I'm going to go over a few of the times I've broken the rules and gotten weirdly disproportionate responses and poor communication, all of which were handled by the same admin.
The first time I foolishly suicided in security's custody (after I had foolishly removed law 1 as non-antag, which a different admin dealt with gracefully), I got reclaimed, ahelped it, and she was there to tell me two wrongs made a right. Suddenly I'm not so mad at the person who reclaimed me anymore, because it seems that we're expected to bully rulebreakers with a taste of their own medicine. Fine. Okay. I'm not supposed to play characters with suicidal tendencies, but is it really okay for people to go full shitsec and break the rules back in response? Would the staff agree that this style of escalation simply comes with the territory?
I later made some passive-aggressive remarks about her to another player in response to how she handled the situation, and ended up generalizing the whole admin team in the process. I'm not trying to hide this because I firmly believe it was a shitty thing to do and I want to be better than that. I was lucky enough to be talked to by one of the other admins about it first, but Zamu did ask me in private afterward if I was specifically referring her and implored me to "answer carefully". I mean, it's not like I had any reason to lie about it in the first place, but that wording makes it sound like a pretty fucking big deal. Like she had taken it personally and was now threatening me with something if I don't clarify in full honesty. Which I did. The short version is that I have whatever garbage emotional mental faculties commonly lead to being a passive-aggressive shitter when I feel like I've been wronged. But it's worse than that, because I know a few things about her personal situation that I probably should have considered before running my mouth.
We're going in chronological order here, so bear with me if this seems kina non-sequitir: The first time I witnessed someone use the word p***s and then explode, I thought they had suicided immediately afterward based on the context of the situation. But I soon learned that the line on what constitutes "sexual content" is closer than it appears when I foolishly quoted them and immediately exploded. Zamujasa's doing, no words were exchanged until after the fact. And it feels strange that this even happened considering all the communities I've been in where sexual content is banned but you're still allowed to say p***s in silly contexts, including the one in question.
Earlier today I mentioned something in the Discord's roleplay discussion channel about a possible bug I found and wanted clarification on whether or not it was actually a bug before I sent a report. In the middle of this discussion (which included another admin) Zamu comes in and tells me to stop talking about the current round. Wait, what? I was discussing the nature of something purely mechanical, with another admin no less, and was summarily given a ten minute mute for trying to continue that discussion. So I shot back with some criticism in private, the most gentle I can muster, and what happens? I get called insufferable, banned from her offsite community, attempt to make amends and she wastes no time digging up the thing I said before and blocking me:
![[Image: VW1PYRE.png]](https://i.imgur.com/VW1PYRE.png)
So, Zamujasa: I am kind of at my wit's end here. There was like, zero friction between us until Goonstation. I completely understand just being fucking fed up with everything, but I came here to have fun not be bullied and yelled at over the smallest and most victimless infractions. And I want you to know that no matter what kind of shitty things I might say in the heat of the moment, I would still stop playing this game entirely for your sake if you simply asked me to.
So, I have a bit of history with Zamujasa. She runs this little offsite community. We'd talk about video games or whatever, I'd come into her streams, generally pretty chill stuff.
Then one day she invited me to play Goonstation. My god, what a game. But as it turns out, I'm not the best at roleplaying or even following rules 100% to the letter. And Zamujasa turns out to be the one with the least patience for this. To the extent that I have been punished on multiple occasions before I was even aware I crossed a line, and frequently pushed out of discussing things further. And if this is still not the place to have an honest discussion, then no such place exists.
So I'm going to go over a few of the times I've broken the rules and gotten weirdly disproportionate responses and poor communication, all of which were handled by the same admin.
The first time I foolishly suicided in security's custody (after I had foolishly removed law 1 as non-antag, which a different admin dealt with gracefully), I got reclaimed, ahelped it, and she was there to tell me two wrongs made a right. Suddenly I'm not so mad at the person who reclaimed me anymore, because it seems that we're expected to bully rulebreakers with a taste of their own medicine. Fine. Okay. I'm not supposed to play characters with suicidal tendencies, but is it really okay for people to go full shitsec and break the rules back in response? Would the staff agree that this style of escalation simply comes with the territory?
I later made some passive-aggressive remarks about her to another player in response to how she handled the situation, and ended up generalizing the whole admin team in the process. I'm not trying to hide this because I firmly believe it was a shitty thing to do and I want to be better than that. I was lucky enough to be talked to by one of the other admins about it first, but Zamu did ask me in private afterward if I was specifically referring her and implored me to "answer carefully". I mean, it's not like I had any reason to lie about it in the first place, but that wording makes it sound like a pretty fucking big deal. Like she had taken it personally and was now threatening me with something if I don't clarify in full honesty. Which I did. The short version is that I have whatever garbage emotional mental faculties commonly lead to being a passive-aggressive shitter when I feel like I've been wronged. But it's worse than that, because I know a few things about her personal situation that I probably should have considered before running my mouth.
We're going in chronological order here, so bear with me if this seems kina non-sequitir: The first time I witnessed someone use the word p***s and then explode, I thought they had suicided immediately afterward based on the context of the situation. But I soon learned that the line on what constitutes "sexual content" is closer than it appears when I foolishly quoted them and immediately exploded. Zamujasa's doing, no words were exchanged until after the fact. And it feels strange that this even happened considering all the communities I've been in where sexual content is banned but you're still allowed to say p***s in silly contexts, including the one in question.
Earlier today I mentioned something in the Discord's roleplay discussion channel about a possible bug I found and wanted clarification on whether or not it was actually a bug before I sent a report. In the middle of this discussion (which included another admin) Zamu comes in and tells me to stop talking about the current round. Wait, what? I was discussing the nature of something purely mechanical, with another admin no less, and was summarily given a ten minute mute for trying to continue that discussion. So I shot back with some criticism in private, the most gentle I can muster, and what happens? I get called insufferable, banned from her offsite community, attempt to make amends and she wastes no time digging up the thing I said before and blocking me:
So, Zamujasa: I am kind of at my wit's end here. There was like, zero friction between us until Goonstation. I completely understand just being fucking fed up with everything, but I came here to have fun not be bullied and yelled at over the smallest and most victimless infractions. And I want you to know that no matter what kind of shitty things I might say in the heat of the moment, I would still stop playing this game entirely for your sake if you simply asked me to.