Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Spy_Guy]

The round in which Chef Buttes got his butte handed to him.

The following part takes place in the pool sauna. I had been giving chase for quite a while after he wantonly punched me, as he does.

Chef Buttes punches Leif Badstrand!
You have been protected from a hit to the head.
Leif Badstrand says, "Reminds me of Finland."
You switch on the the space heater.
Chef Buttes says, "land of the fins"
Leif Badstrand nods.
Chef Buttes punches Chef Buttes!
Chef Buttes has been stunned with the police baton by Leif Badstrand!
Chef Buttes says, "rip"
Leif Badstrand is trying to put a handcuffs on Chef Buttes
Leif Badstrand says, "Nah."
You have added the police baton to the backpack.
Leif Badstrand says, "Telescience."
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the HoS Beret from Chef Buttes's head!
Chef Buttes says, "telescience rip"
This is a HoS Beret. It is a normal-sized item.
Actually, you got this hat from a fast-food restaurant, that's why it folds like it was made of paper.
Chef Buttes says, "NO"
Chef Buttes says, "MY BALD CAP"
Leif Badstrand says, "It folds like paper."
Chef Buttes says, "NOO"
Leif Badstrand throws HoS Beret.
Leif Badstrand says, "Chemistry rip."
Chef Buttes says, "I GOT IT AT MY FAVORITE RESTURANT"
**A quick spray of fluorosulphuric acid later**
HoS Beret melts.
Chef Buttes says, "NOO"
Chef Buttes cries.

I leave the now-hatless Head of Security to his own devices and I depart the station in order to get ready and gather my thoughts in preparation of the onslaught I will no doubt face when I return to the station.

The following scene takes place out in space, as I'm exploring the asteroid field for cool stuff.
Buttes has now reached the stage of anger in his grieving process.

Chef Buttes [145.9] says, "I WILL GET MY REVENGE"
Bethany Parks [135.4] says, "Leif, if you get PDA messages from me it's because I've fried myself"
Chef Buttes [145.9] says, "I WILL GET MY REVENGE FOR MY FAVORITE HAT"
Chef Buttes [145.9] says, "YOU BASTARD"

Leif Badstrand [135.4] asks, "Guess who just melted Chef Buttes' beret?"
Leif Badstrand asks, "Guess who just melted Chef Buttes' beret?"
Leif Badstrand: Guess who just melted Chef Buttes' beret?
Bethany Parks [135.4] says, "I'll high-five you if I survive this"

A short while later I return to the station, ready to tangle with the irate Head of Security once again. He's fallen quite far this time, ready to give up on life, by all appearances.
Can't have that; I'm not finished yet.

Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "III'MM ggIILLLLNGGG MMYYsshhELLF LLIIFF"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "BBEEggAAUUUUsshhEEE OOFF YYOOUU"
Faffotron [145.9] states, "Good job, Leif."
Leif Badstrand [145.9] asks, "Where's the fun in that?"
Leif Badstrand asks, "Where's the fun in that?"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "bblllOOEEffEEtt nnnnzzggb jhh nnOOOOyyyyf"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "ccrrOOEEffEEEp bbbIIjjsssstt vnn wwOddnn"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "WWHHHHOEEVVVEERR FFINsssshh MMMY BBODDYY"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "RREEADD MMYYYY shhUUIgggIIDEE NNOOOffffE fffffOO LLEEEEIIFFF"
Leif Badstrand [145.9] says, "Here I thought I had finally found my Batman, but I guess not."

Well, it seems like my pep-talk has appealed to his thirst for revenge, at least, and so he's holding off on killing himself, at least until I'm dead.
He doesn't know I have a few surprises in store for him...

Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "III IINN ddduuEE BBAAAdduRRRROOMMsshh"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "hhhmm"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "MMMaayybbee II''lll giiillllyou"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "AAnndd dduuueenn giill mmyshheellffff"
Chef Buttes [145.9] slurs, "yyeeshh"
**I open the bathroom doors, and out he comes, like a rabid badger with a chip on its' shoulder, but like I said, I have a surprise in store**

The chemicals catch fire, burning brightly and violently!
You fill the syringe with 5 units of the solution.
Chef Buttes gasps.

You fill the syringe with 5 units of the solution.
The chemicals catch fire, burning brightly and violently!
You fill the syringe with 5 units of the solution.
You have added Syringe to the backpack.
Chef Buttes has been stunned with the police baton by Leif Badstrand!
Chef Buttes chokes.
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOOOO"
Leif Badstrand is trying to empty Chef Buttes's pockets!!
Chef Buttes slurs, "bbOOpp AppAAAIIdd"
Chef Buttes slurs, "ggOpp AyyAAyy"
Chef Buttes coughs.
Chef Buttes cries.
Chef Buttes has been stunned with the police baton by Leif Badstrand!
Leif Badstrand is trying to put a police baton on Chef Buttes
Chef Buttes has been stunned with the police baton by Leif Badstrand!
**argh, where's his cuffs! I know he must have some on him!**
Chef Buttes slurs, "HHHHEELLLPP"
Leif Badstrand says, "Man."
Chef Buttes slurs, "JOOgERR"
Leif Badstrand says, "You are going to LOVE this."
Chef Buttes gasps.
Chef Buttes slurs, "OOOO"
Chef Buttes has been stunned with the police baton by Leif Badstrand!
Leif Badstrand is trying to put a handcuffs on Chef Buttes
Chef Buttes sobs.
You have added Spare Handcuffs to the backpack.
Chef Buttes slurs, "DDOONNtthhffff YYOUU sshEEEEE IIMM sshhfffffIIILLL GGRRIEEVINNGGG"
Chef Buttes slurs, "WWHHAAAffff MMMMOOEE gAAAANN OOUU DOO ffff MME"
Chef Buttes cries.
Chef Buttes slurs, "YYYNNNOOO NNOOO"
Leif Badstrand says, "You will see."
You have added the police baton to the backpack.
Chef Buttes slurs, "NOOO sssshhWWIIRRLLY"
Chef Buttes slurs, "cccOO"
Chef Buttes coughs.
Chef Buttes slurs, "NOO"
Leif Badstrand says, "I hadn't even thought of that."
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOOOOOOOO"
Chef Buttes coughs.
Chef Buttes screams!
Leif Badstrand says, "I have something better in mind."
**I retrieve one of the syringes I had prepared for this moment from my backpack**
Leif Badstrand is trying to draw blood from Chef Buttes!
Chef Buttes slurs, "NOOO"
Leif Badstrand draws blood from Chef Buttes!
You fill the syringe with 5 units of Chef Buttes's blood.
Chef Buttes slurs, "zOOOOOO"
Spicy!
You inject 5 units of the solution. The syringe now contains 5 units.
Spicy!
You inject 5 units of the solution. The syringe now contains 0 units.
You have added Syringe (anti-toxin) to the backpack.

**What the christ did he eat!? Man, this is probably not enough blood, I need more**

Chef Buttes slurs, "llEEEEEEssbb"
Chef Buttes slurs, "HHEEEEEEEELLPP"
Leif Badstrand is trying to draw blood from Chef Buttes!
Leif Badstrand draws blood from Chef Buttes!
You fill the syringe with 5 units of Chef Buttes's blood.
Chef Buttes coughs.
Spicy!
You inject 5 units of the solution. The syringe now contains 0 units.
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOO BBOOOOD NNOOO"
You have added Syringe (anti-toxin) to the backpack.
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNNO"
Leif Badstrand exclaims, "BEHOLD!"
Chef Buttes slurs, "IIMM MMEE"
Chef Buttes slurs, "hhOOOdddd ddOOUUUU"
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOOOffff YOOUU"
Leif Badstrand has scanned Leif Badstrand!
3 chemical agents found.
stable mutagen - 1.4
blood - 2.4
ethanol - 0.306745

Leif Badstrand has scanned Leif Badstrand!
2 chemical agents found.
stable mutagen - 0.999999
blood - 2

Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOOOO"
You have added PDA-Leif Badstrand to the backpack.
No significant chemical agents found in the backpack.
Chef Buttes slurs, "IIIMMM MMEEEEEEE"
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNOOffff YYYOOUUU"
Chef Buttes (as Leif Badstrand) says, "You either..."
Chef Buttes slurs, "OOOOO"
Chef Buttes slurs, "NOOOO"
Chef Buttes screams!
Chef Buttes (as Leif Badstrand) says, "You die young..."
Chef Buttes slurs, "NNNOOO"
Chef Buttes (as Leif Badstrand) says, "Or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
Leif Badstrand is trying to inject Chef Buttes!
Chef Buttes screams!
Leif Badstrand is trying to inject Chef Buttes!
Leif Badstrand injects Chef Buttes with the syringe!
You inject 5 units of the solution. The syringe now contains 5 units.
Leif Badstrand injects Chef Buttes with the syringe!
You inject 5 units of the solution. The syringe now contains 0 units.
Chef Buttes screams!
Chef Buttes slurs, "MMYY VVOOIIgEE"
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the Optical Thermal Scanner from Chef Buttes's eyes!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the the insulated gloves from Chef Buttes's hands!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the Command Headset from Chef Buttes's ears!
Chef Buttes coughs.
Chef Buttes slurs, "OOH GGGGOODD"
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the Black Shoes from Chef Buttes's feet!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off the the energy gun from Chef Buttes's belt!
Chef Buttes attempts to remove the handcuffs!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off a black jumpsuit from Chef Buttes's body!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off an armor vest from Chef Buttes's body!
Leif Badstrand is trying to take off Chef Buttes's ID Card (Head of Security) from Chef Buttes's uniform!
Chef Buttes sobs.
Leif Badstrand sobs.
Leif Badstrand slurs, "oohh ggoooodd"
Leif Badstrand slurs, "wwhhaaffff hhaavee yyyoou dddoonnne"
Leif Badstrand grumbles.
Chef Buttes laughs.
Leif Badstrand mumbles.
Leif Badstrand slurs, "NOOWW IIMM HHHIGGHHHH"

After stealing his clothes I leave him to his own devices, with all my stuff (except the good parts, of course) and I head for Security to get my new look finalised.
Unfortunately, there's no thrilling ending to this story. I end up getting tased by a traitor with a c-sabre, and our former HoS is left roaming the halls in blind fury, looking for revenge.

I probably deserved every last bit of c-sabering that traitor visited upon me, but I'll be damned if that story didn't deserve a better ending.