Goonhub
10-04-2023, 02:56 PM
Tired of having to juggle a dozen different objects just to keep your inventory manageable? Sick of not having enough pocket space for every random piece of garbage you come across? Disgusted by people taking your shoes and then throwing them in the crusher, sometimes without even removing them from your feet? At HonkTek, we understand, and we have a solution.
Introducing the new HonkTek branded COMICALLY OVERSIZED TROUSERS. With our team of top physicists, we at HonkTek have discovered that if you increase the size of a container, it can contain a larger number of things! Attached to your body with proprietary technology1 and utilizing an ingenious voice-activated system to deliver the objects you request to your very hands2, our revolutionary apparel will give you what you need, when you need it3.
Marvel as you speak the simple, easy to remember command phrase ("FABULOUS HONKTEK PANTS, GIVE ME") followed by the desired item's name and what rapidly appears in your hand, or at least the general vicinity thereof, will be none other than...
a PIE
a HORN
a BANANA
a PEEL
a CRAYON
a BALLOON
a RUBBER HAMMER
a RUBBER CHICKEN
a STRING OF HANDKERCHIEFS4
a HUMAN ARM5
an IMPROBABLY LARGE MALLET
a LIVE BEAR6
a MISCELLANEOUS, which selects one storage space at random and dispenses its contents, should the space be empty you are instead provided with some of the trousers' COPIOUS QUANTITIES OF LINT7
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Order now and we will take your money and run without sending you anything! HonkTek, made for clowns, by clowns.8
1 Suspenders
2 Trained monkey
3 Provided you need something the monkey has been trained to recognize
4 That is to say, bandages
5 In case you need a hand
6 Bear may be dead
7 Lint may contain allergens
8 Imprisoned in our sweatshop on Saturn's moon, Titan
Introducing the new HonkTek branded COMICALLY OVERSIZED TROUSERS. With our team of top physicists, we at HonkTek have discovered that if you increase the size of a container, it can contain a larger number of things! Attached to your body with proprietary technology1 and utilizing an ingenious voice-activated system to deliver the objects you request to your very hands2, our revolutionary apparel will give you what you need, when you need it3.
Marvel as you speak the simple, easy to remember command phrase ("FABULOUS HONKTEK PANTS, GIVE ME") followed by the desired item's name and what rapidly appears in your hand, or at least the general vicinity thereof, will be none other than...
a PIE
a HORN
a BANANA
a PEEL
a CRAYON
a BALLOON
a RUBBER HAMMER
a RUBBER CHICKEN
a STRING OF HANDKERCHIEFS4
a HUMAN ARM5
an IMPROBABLY LARGE MALLET
a LIVE BEAR6
a MISCELLANEOUS, which selects one storage space at random and dispenses its contents, should the space be empty you are instead provided with some of the trousers' COPIOUS QUANTITIES OF LINT7
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Order now and we will take your money and run without sending you anything! HonkTek, made for clowns, by clowns.8
1 Suspenders
2 Trained monkey
3 Provided you need something the monkey has been trained to recognize
4 That is to say, bandages
5 In case you need a hand
6 Bear may be dead
7 Lint may contain allergens
8 Imprisoned in our sweatshop on Saturn's moon, Titan