Straws: Chugging Anything and Everything

[TheMaskedMan2]

After a round where I rolled staffie and took it upon myself to drink the entire contents of the pool, I quickly realized that the way Goon handles sipping (and chugging) is slow and restricted to only drinking out of a glass or some sort of other vessel. Drinking floor soup, pool water, or volatile chemicals in containers you should certainly not be drinking from was off limits without a drinking glass - and frankly, very boring and not very Goon-esque. My solution? 
Behold, the straw, allowing you to do 3 things regular glasses cannot: bypass the limit where your character can no longer chug liquids, allow you to drink out of containers you normally can't (like the juice-o-matic, fuel tank, helium tank, and other such forbidden fruits), and allow you to drink pools of chems directly off of the floor. Finally, a world where clowns and bored staffies can sip all the pool water to their heart's content, unflood Oshan without a single mop, or chug ungodly amounts of alcohol to the point of getting poisoned.

Unironically would be the funniest best shit. I usually spill something in pharmacy so having the loss of sense long enough to just straw suck it up would be very very good. 
Not sure how I feel about the unflood oshan level of funny chug but giving it limited use before breaking or bending  would be good (ie. A paper straw or normal bendy plastic one). Like maybe 5ish uses that can suck up a total of 25ish units before having to fix it? Makes sense to me

What we need is a traitor item

SYNDICATE STRAW-TM

that doesn't break and chugs at a faster rate.

While normal straws should chug at a much slower rate than chugging a bottle or whatever and eventually break.