Goonhub
05-08-2022, 07:12 AM
(05-07-2022, 10:21 PM)nefarious6th Wrote: not beyond thinking you have the capacity to change or anything like that, and I dont know for obvs reasons about the behind the scenes acknowledgements for behavior things; so I'm optimistic that like...you can be a good player.
that said, this is a pretty strong -1 from me at this point in time.
My experiences with you in game have been that you allow your meta friendships to color your interactions with non familiar players beyond the realm of IC playing a sort of mean-girl personality to the point you have actually charged me with being ableist over general communications for 60 other players to see because I asked someone you were friends with to please send me a message with more details on a situation and they chose to represent this to you as me saying they talked funny. I was called a piece of trash by you to other officers on my team, you said my outfit looked like trash, made a scene and a point to throw things at me in front of other players I was talking to, interjected in conversations i was having to clarify with someone else on gen radio to call me a shithead and say you didnt respect me and assume a stance I had towards people on the basis of their mental health and speech quality. and then told me to consider what it might be like if I myself were to have any sort of language processing or construction impediment.
You arent my best friend and so I dont expect people to really know it or anything and it's not anyone's obligation to, but you did say all of this and charge me with being ableist when I was on my deaf character with expressive aphasia as someone who has hearing loss and receptive aphasia from neurological damage IRL. you dont need that depth. No one does, really; at the end of the day, I dont need people to know my or my character's exact medical history to know becoming involved to the point of harassing someone in front of 60 or 70 people for the better part of 30 minutes in an RP round based solely on the word of your metafriend alone is **not okay**. like to imagine that behavior from someone trusted to specifically not use meta knowledge and to be welcoming to unfamiliar faces is really scary to me. This was April 27th.
there are other odds and ends of stuff here, you yelling at me and trying to grapple me when I was hos for stunning your friends in the OR after they started fighting me because I had the gall to ask for my lawbringer back multiple times from one doctor who I saw had it and lied to my face about it after getting my organs blasted out by a nukie and dropping it in the hall (no one involved there was an antag); but the round from two weeks ago is really my sticking point. that was absurd and devastating. No one deserves that, especially not from someone they WANT to be able to trust.
Yes, those experiences could have been handled better and I apologize for them, but how I handle things IC does NOT reflect how I handle things OOC. This is still a roleplay server and my character would do anything to stick up for others. Granted, there are times I step out of line to help others the way I see fit; you make it sound like my "meta friends" cloud my judgement. Looking back at what you typed, perhaps you are correct. I can not amend for the wrongdoings I have done but I can only hope to move forward and learn from these mistakes. You are right in saying that nobody deserves this and if I am to become more trustworthy I need to clean up my act.
However, I did not know anything about your character at the time, how they were deaf with expressive aphasia and how that effects them. But them saying how they talked funny not only hurt them, but it hurt me. IC bullying is still bullying and I do not tolerate it in the slightest as I was a victim of major bullying IRL. This is probably not in my lane to say, but I stand by what I said; nobody deserves to be spoken to like that. Same with how I referred to them as a "shithead" and was chewing them off over general comms. Again, I want to personally apologize if that has caused you any harm and it could have been handle better. I'm not expecting forgiveness from anyone, but I hope my words are enough to at least patch the wounds.