Add descriptions to tarot cards

[Noah Buttes]

Let's start with the Major Arcana.

1. The Magician - "HAIDAN SEEHQ" //get it? clairvoyance spell? GET IT?
   
2. The High Priestess - "A favorite of religious botanists everywhere."
   
3. The Empress - "Empressive." 
   
4. The Emperor - "The artwork on this card has been officially approved by the Adeptus Ministorum." //Originally something about the oft-forgotten emperor Gluteus Maximus, but that made it sound like I was scraping the bottom of the barrel. 
   
5. The Hierophant - "Contrary to popular belief, Hierophants are not actually members of the Proboscidea taxonomic order."
   
6. The Lovers - "You can't ever pay back what you owe."
   
7. The Chariot - "That's a funny looking segway."
   
8. Justice - "Strange. You can't see anything on the face of this card." //Justice is blind. I am a riot. 
   
9. The Hermit - "A hermit of the non-crab variety"
   
10. Wheel of Fortune - pick("Bankrupt!" , "Lose a turn!")
    
11. Strength - "Official Major Arcanum of the Space Wrestling Federation.[prob(5) ? " DIG IT!" : null]"
    
12. The Hanged Man - "W E L P ."
    
13. Death - pick("Inevitable." , "Unavoidable." , "Fated." , "Inexorable." , "Unrelenting." , "Impending." , "The inescapable fate of all things." , "That which cannot die.")
    
14. Temperance - "That's where you dunk hot metal in water to harden it, right?"
    
15. The Devil - "If you put this card into a cassette deck and play it backwards while listening very carefully, you can ruin some perfectly good audio equipment."
    
16. The Tower - "Too sweet to be sour."
    
17. The Star - "Science fact: stars are actually giant balls of gaseous tarot cards."
    
18. The Moon - "This card smells faintly of [prob(10) ? "imitation cheese product" : "cheese"]."
    
19. The Sun - "A completely ordinary depiction of the sun with absolutely nothing strange about it whatsoever. Seriously. GO AWAY."
    
20. Judgement - "Or is it judgment?"
    
21. The World - pick("The only remotely playable member of the arcana force." , "Bane of horologists everywhere." , "Mortal enemy of The Star." , "You a dracula?" , "Truly the most menacing Major Arcanum." , "Huh, it doesn't feel like time has stopped." , "Under Etteilla's Egyptian Tarot system, the Major Arcanum corresponding to the world actually represents a law suit or a legal dispute. Although Etteilla based his tarot system on the system described by Antoine Court de Gébelin two years prior, the two differed quite significantly in the names ascribed to the Major Arcana. Notably, Gébelin designated the 21st Major Arcanum as representing Time. Thus, the time stopping power demonstrated by DIO's The World could be considered a humorous commentary on the popular perception of law suits as being affairs so incredibly long-winded and tortuous that time, from the frame of reference of the parties involved in the suit, seems to stand still.") //You expected a jojo reference, but it was me, self-referential meta humor!
    
22. The Fool - "HONK HONK!"