Goonhub
10-22-2012, 07:30 PM
So Huk decided to stage "Shamefights." I volunteer and the first match is me, Jeb Maxwell, vs Mr. Maples. We're warped to Thunderdome-awaiting us, Japanese Schoolgirl Outfits. They ARE Shamefights after all.
Once we donned our outfits, we launched into battle. Mr. Maples had telekinesis, but I had a helmet, so it was about even. Now, to understand why this is awesome, you need to imagine this: on one side, a scruffy old man with a long beard, dressed as a Japanese Schoolgirl and using mind powers- on the other, a scruffy young man with a hideous neckbeard, wearing magnetic boots, insulated gloves, and the syndicate suit helmet, facing off.
The rules were simple: one on one, no weapons, and whoever could stuff the other into a trash compactor first won. What followed was about 6 minutes of brilliant dodging and strikes. I chased him in endless loops and twists, avoiding psychic punches and trying to get close enough to land a punch. We traded blows back and forth-I stunned him but let it get away from me, he knocked me down but I just barely managed to avoid death, standing up just before the compactor could shut. Finally, ten seconds before the emergency shuttle could leave, I managed to knock him out and compact him. Truly Shamefights are the finest spectacle of the age.
Once we donned our outfits, we launched into battle. Mr. Maples had telekinesis, but I had a helmet, so it was about even. Now, to understand why this is awesome, you need to imagine this: on one side, a scruffy old man with a long beard, dressed as a Japanese Schoolgirl and using mind powers- on the other, a scruffy young man with a hideous neckbeard, wearing magnetic boots, insulated gloves, and the syndicate suit helmet, facing off.
The rules were simple: one on one, no weapons, and whoever could stuff the other into a trash compactor first won. What followed was about 6 minutes of brilliant dodging and strikes. I chased him in endless loops and twists, avoiding psychic punches and trying to get close enough to land a punch. We traded blows back and forth-I stunned him but let it get away from me, he knocked me down but I just barely managed to avoid death, standing up just before the compactor could shut. Finally, ten seconds before the emergency shuttle could leave, I managed to knock him out and compact him. Truly Shamefights are the finest spectacle of the age.