Cluwnes have it too easy now.

[YoukCat]

Whenever a cluwne is hurt, every crewman is healed.

In a weird station where all crew members are in perfect shape, where all injuries seem to heal before your very eyes, lies a deep, horrific secret. A herd of cluwnes is secretly kept in captivity in what used to be medbay, where they are all repeatedly harmed by machines, and healed by alien artifacts around them to keep them alive.

The horror

Every time a cluwne is healed, everyone else suffers a slight amount of damage.

A Wizard lurks in Maintenance, and sees an unexpecting target. Using the Tranqs they stole from the Armory, they quickly subdue the target and cuff them with handcuffs.

By now, screams have been heard and people are searching the Maintenance Tunnels. The Wizard doesn't care, however, and cluwnes the target. Pulling out 7 medkits, they summon their Staff of Cthulhu, they hit the clown repeatedly, healing every single wound.

Meanwhile, the rest of the crew slowly wither away, as the cluwne is healed and beaten over and over. The Final words, from the Artificial Intelligence onboard, are as follows: You nerds died to a wizard and a clown. Good job. Also why are there six people farting on my face.