Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Raikon]

From early March.

http://i.imgur.com/xvTu2Ne.png

[Weavel]

Foam Adventure: How I Killed Gibbed #3 (In 5 Easy Steps!!)


HELLO THIS IS NOT THE SORT OF THING YOU SHOULD POST IN HERE, IDIOT

[Rhydic]

so i was a traitor and gorilla was a nerd and was on a chainsaw rampage killing everyone and the ai eventually managed to lock him into the engineering foyer for a few minutes, i used my generously and ignorantly provided all-access ID to make a bomb in toxins, drop it off at the engineering foyer, and run away


Rhydic Torikthil [145.9] says, "enjoy, spetznaz"

ONE VERY LARGE EXPLOSION AND 30 SECONDS LATER

Admin PM from-GorillaMyDreams: You're a dick
Admin PM from-GorillaMyDreams: Killing someone who wasn't even targetting you
Admin PM from-Atomicthumbs: an allowed dick
Admin PM from-Dr. Cogwerks: a++
Admin PM from-Dr. Cogwerks: anytime you successfully grief an admin you have won the game

im grife

[Weavel]

Admin PM from-Dr. Cogwerks: anytime you successfully grief an admin you have won the game

ha ha time for a genuine admin grif story, from Shroom

In the lobby you can see admin-sent deadchat messages, before you've joined the game. I once managed to spot Lisi (i think it was Lisi and if not welp) saying something, so I took this opportunity to grif.

AI states, "Lisi IsLame has signed up as a Staff Assistant."
You are a changeling!
Lisi IsLame says, "HELLO EVERYONE HOW ARE THINGS"
Lisi IsLame says, "I AM HERE TO ENJOY A GOOD DAY OF STATION ACTIVITIES"
Admin PM from-Lisi: "rude"
Admin PM from-Lisi: "AND I CANT EVEN GIB YOU FUCK"
Admin PM from-Lisi: "I GOT OWNED"

and i would have got away with it too, if it werent for that meddling crew

[Dauntasa]

so i was a traitor and gorilla was a nerd and was on a chainsaw rampage killing everyone and the ai eventually managed to lock him into the engineering foyer for a few minutes, i used my generously and ignorantly provided all-access ID to make a bomb in toxins, drop it off at the engineering foyer, and run away


Rhydic Torikthil [145.9] says, "enjoy, spetznaz"

ONE VERY LARGE EXPLOSION AND 30 SECONDS LATER

Admin PM from-GorillaMyDreams: You're a dick
Admin PM from-GorillaMyDreams: Killing someone who wasn't even targetting you
Admin PM from-Atomicthumbs: an allowed dick
Admin PM from-Dr. Cogwerks: a++
Admin PM from-Dr. Cogwerks: anytime you successfully grief an admin you have won the game

im grife

one time I made Noreaus yell at me because I figured out a way to make his client crash and did it repeatedly.

[Readster]

After a long shift of printing news, me and my fellow news reporter began communicating with the dead through way of a makeshift Ouija board.
We managed to discover the ghost was male, had an R in their name that wasn't the first letter, and were not angry about being dead.

Greatest paranormal news reporters ever!

[ThoseDernSquirrels]

4/20 round. Gannon Sullivan, a lowly assistant is a traitor. Radio is filled with Anti-Weed supporters and a buncha friggin' potheads screaming. The hallway is filled with blood and bodies, as the two sides duke it out. Security is banging on botany's door, and this gave our protagonist-to-some Gannon Sullivan an idea. He pulled out his PDA and bought a pipebomb and emag. He sprinted over to botany, barely checking to see if anyone was around and threw the pipebomb. Running away, he heard the explosion, and soon the radio was flooded with the cheers of Anti-Weed supporters. I dunno if this was a victory for the AW, or if it just really sparked the fuel for an all out war across the station.

[Birchwood]

Welp.

Just finished my best-yet traitor round on #3.

Started the round as an Assistant in the chapel as Rick Taylor and put on the skull mask (HUEHUEHUE), realized I was a traitor, bought and used the DNA Injector because I didn't know what it did, turned me into Aiden James. My objective was to steal the HoS's jumpsuit and escape on the shuttle alive.

Simple enough.

I go to Security, emag the doors and lockers in full view of a sec officer whose name I can't remember for the life of me. He literally just *frowns and says 'please stop emagging stuff, we can't close the doors and stop people from running in here'. In less than ten seconds, I've made off with the jumpsuit, a stolen baton, and a plate of spaghetti.

The next thing I knew, there was a miner running up to me in a deserted hallway, trying to disarm me. I say fuck it and beat him to death with the baton. I've just about finished when another guy runs up.

Then another.

And another.

By the time a single Security officer happens to arrive, I'm standing bloodsoaked in a pile of 3 corpses, and am in the middle of caving in the head of a fourth victim. Whipping out a flashbang, I toss it and sprint downwards pass the airbridge, only to clothesline the Captain. I hit him again, knocking him out, and drag him down the hallway by the hair with one hand while smashing his head in with the other.

I drag him into maint like a bear about to devour its kill and finish turning his face into strawberry cake mix. I nab his ID and thermal goggles when I see his security headset.

I put it on.

George Manroe [145.9] says, "MY SPINE"

Patrick Stroh [135.9] says, "Aidan James stole a bunch of riot armor and equipment and passed it out to the crew, like some kind of fucked up Santa Claus."

Dotty Spud [135.9] says, "Aidan just dragged him into maint, dunno where the fuck he is now.'

Aidan James [145.9] says, "GEE CAPTAIN YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD"

Aidan James [145.9] says, "IS THAT A STUN BATON BROKEN OFF IN YOUR HEAD?"

Aidan James [145.9] asks, "WHOOPS, DID I DO THAT?"

Aidan James [145.9] says, "SILLY ME"

Aidan James [145.9] says, "BUTTERFINGERS. YOU KNOW."

I've just finished my shenanigans when an Assistant wielding Barkley's Basketball runs up and tries to disarm me. I dodge and get a few good whacks in before his Security guard in tow arrives and tries to tase me. Running away through the tunnels, I open the door to see a guardbuddy, Beepsky, and several onlookers. Clubbing the one nearest to me in the face, I run over him, dodge the robots and sprint down the hallway. I evade the taser shots and whack the sec officer in the face. I manage to get a few licks in before the assistant and guardbuddies chase me further down the hall, towards engineering. I chuck incendiary grenades over my shoulder and run back and forth from hallway to hallway, eventually resulting in 6 people and 3 securitrons chasing me. The AI ended up triggering the firelocks, sealing me in a small corridor. Dodging guardbuddies left and right, I injured a few people before I was tased by beepsky and furiously gangbeaten to death. I succumbed and proceeded to laugh my ass off.

But it wasn't over yet.

Strelok M.O, the same man who I'd beat down and had chased me, cloned me in genetics. I figured he'd only brought me back to kill me again, but I was mistaken. He pulled me out when I was only half-done clothing, jammed some Alkysine down my throat and dragged me out the door, the reason being that, somehow, a goddamn full-on syndicate assault pod had flew up to the window and shot the shit out of genetics with shotgun turrets. Narrowly dodging buckshot, I was pulled to the Brig, clothed in prison orange, handcuffed and tossed in the permacell, with Strelok giving public radio orders to the officers not to let me out.

Yet, somehow, even this wasn't enough.

The power failed. Maybe the generator broke, a powersink was placed, a wire cut, I don't know, but somehow, the lights went out.

This is where a man named Nemo Fish comes into our little story.

You see, Nemo was a ghost hunter. It said so on his ID. We conversed for a while. He asked me if I had seen any ghosts, and I said yes, there was one in my cell. It resided in the computer; a ghost in the machine, if you will, but it could only be triggered upon two people entering the cell. Crowbarring the door open, I told him that, since the power was out, we could not communicate with it. Deciding to talk to the engineers, we stepped into the hallway, where my escape was immediately noted over the radio, much to Strelok's annoyance:

Strelok M.O [145.9] says, "YOU LET HIM OUT?"

Strelok M.O [145.9] says, "JESUS CHRIST"

Strelok M.O [145.9] says, "YOU PEOPLE HAD ONE FUCKING JOB"

Strelok M.O [145.9] says, "DO NOT LET THE CRAZY PSYCHO SYNDIE KILLER ESCAPE"

Nemo was utterly traumatized by Strelok's declaration that I was a traitor. I comforted him, assuring him that Strelok was nothing more than a 'big ol' meanie'.

Well, as they say, speak of the devil.

Barreling down the corridor came Strelok.

He was not in the best of moods.

Turning around, I immediately clubbed him square in the face. He dropped like a sack of bricks, and I proceeded to whack him in the head a good 7 - 8 times, him screaming for help all the while. Backup arrived, and despite my best efforts, Nemo and I were taken into custody. His screamed, tearful apologies as he was handcuffed, and I dragged down the hallway to the brig, will forever haunt me.

I was handcuffed and placed in the Port-A-Brig, as Strelok had ordered me to be placed on the shuttle.

Give any person in the world the order to take a protable stasis chamber containing a handcuffed human and move it 50 yards down a few corridors, and they'll have as much trouble as snapping their fingers.

Apparently, with me, even this is a mess.

Oh, it was pretty good for a while. But it didn't last long. it didn't last five minutes.

Approaching escape, someone had emagged two securitrons. They immediately stunned and handcuffed the sec officer who was dragging me to the shuttle. For over six minutes, I sat there, waiting for her to get back up and pull me on-board. Eventually, she did, and I was shunted between the wall and the console.

Packed in by the sheer amount of people, she was forced to stand there right next to me.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't hit.

All I could do was speak.

So, I spoke.

I quoted a certain bible passage, which I shall not name. it wasn't very long. It wasn't very special. But by the time I was finished, she had stopped looking around.

She simply stared at me.

The shuttle docked.

Game over, yeeeeeeeeeeah.

[Conor12]

Round starts. I am a miner. I am an infiltrator.

Mindslave the other two miners, tell them to go off and have fun.

Twenty minutes later, I find another miner. Mindslave him. He wants to fight the X-class drone. I take him to it with the mining pod. He hops out and tells me to run if things go wrong. I know he's doomed and set up a wormhole. He gets horribly murdered and I go through the wormhole.

This bug occurs.

While my camera is messed up, I see the X-class drone fly through the wormhole. I hear lasers shots. Panic, smash arrow keys. I brought the X-class drone to the main station. Fly south.

The experimental drone got distracted by the folks at chemistry.

I then spend the round laughing my ass off as people scream about something killing everyone by shooting them to death through the walls.

Scout drones can be killed without too much effort. Hunterkillers can easily wreck any single pod if you're not really on top of things.

The X-class drone... abandon all hope.

[TheRedScare]

It was a nuke round, I was a humble botanist pursuing my life long dream to create weed with a potency of 420. I hear rpgs being fired and people screaming syndies over the radio, I panic at first, fearing for my crops. I quickly begin hoarding them all into a crate with the intent of taking them to mining in a pod and hotboxing the mining outpost whilst everyone else dies. Suddenly the east window explodes, glass and plants scatter everywhere. Two syndicate operatives stroll in, one tells me to pray. I naturally offer him some rainbow weed as a last ditch chance of staying alive to get my produce to safety. They accept to my suprise, I roll them two joints each and they light them up, then security burst in and begin tasing every living thing like mad, one syndie goes down and is promptly beaten to death, the other hops into space, still high, takes aim with his rpg, and shoots the wall next to him because he was twitching about from the weed, he explodes into gibs. Round over.

[Admiral jimbob]

Joining late as the HoP and renaming myself "Buttfinder General" with the judge's clothes, I spent the round taking a refresher course in bomb-making, finding a new effective 11x11 mix since 66/33 doesn't work so well anymore. Unsure if the result was successful, I made my way to escape, as the shuttle was a minute or so away... but some dastardly fellow had walled off escape!

So I exited via the solar door and made my way around. I got into the airlock, but the fiend walled off the very shuttle door in front of my eyes!

There was only one thing left for it.

Alert: Shuttle launch time shortened to 10 seconds!
Spigot The Bear (as Buttfinder General) says, "Also some ass goblin walled off escape"
Jacob Muggins has added the cryptographic sequencer to the backpack!
Spigot The Bear knocks on the reinforced window.
Spigot The Bear (as Buttfinder General) says, "YOLO"

I opened the valve.

Fred Burgers (played by Sergeantbatman) was a late-joining traitor!
Objective #1: Steal a RCD. Failed
Objective #2: Hijack the emergency shuttle by escaping alone. Failed
The traitor has failed!
OOC: Sergeantbatman: *cry

[Readster]

95% of the time suicide bombing is asshole-ish...

Welcome to the 5%.

[BlackPhoenix]

95% of the time suicide bombing is asshole-ish...

Welcome to the 5%.

With great power comes great responsibility.

[Saxophone Jones]

I was a late-joining Staff Assistant. I faffed about until ending up in the brig, surprisingly not with my hands cuffed and being stuffed into a disposals chute.

I found some stuff on the floor, among the pile was an ID belonging to THE LAW. So of course, I took the ID, thinking it was a regular sec ID with a fancy title. It had sec access alright, so I geared up just in case I had to self-defensively kick some ass if the merciful changeling ever broke his promise to not kill me if I kept his identity a secret.

After faffing about some more and getting accused of being a ling, I found out that the ID had Medical access. And Engineering access. And, surprisingly, Bridge access. And the AI just happened to be rogue. Unfortunately, I didn't think before revealing that I was going to call the shuttle, so the AI quickly turned off all power in the Bridge, forcing me to go through a disposal pipe that happened to be cut off at Sec.

At this point, the AI decided to call the shuttle, and one of the borgs was emagged and heading my way to brutally pour deadly chemicals on me, so I grabbed my flash and got ready for the most intense battle to not get dragged over glass after being knocked down by mysterious chemicals.

Code:

DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Yep. I am completely reset and not suspicious at all."
Cyborg Tau-64 [145.9] states, "i have been e-magged"
DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Oh no."
Cyborg Tau-64 [145.9] states, "you are all going to die"
Kayden Bould [145.9] gasps, "I've been out of the loop because of some life and death situations near hydrophobics,what happened"
Charles Manning [145.9] says, "AI probably got told by a traitor to call it. And now I'm deaf."
DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Gizmo Aurel has arrived as Staff Assistant. Try not to get killed immediately. Although if you do get killed, tell me first so I can watch."
Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] says, "Thanks for the anouncement, borg. My flash is at the ready."

*At this point, the borg enters the room and I only just manage to flash him before his chemical explodes, knocking me down and making me deaf.*

The mixture begins to bubble furiously!
BANG
Your ears start to ring!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) gives Cyborg Tau-64 the double deuce!
Cyborg Tau-64 is trying to put Syringe on Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)
Cyborg Tau-64 is trying to put Syringe on Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)
You begin to recover.

*At this point, I let a grey shirt, Gizmo Aurel, inside to see if he can help me out. Assumedly the borg was unable to inject me with deadly chemicals, or drag me across glass after removing my shoes.*

The mixture begins to bubble furiously!
BANG
Your ears start to ring badly!
You begin to recover.

*At this point, I manage to flash the borg and try to keep him stunned while bashing him with a baton*

Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
The baton is now off.
Cyborg Tau-64 has been beaten with the stun baton by Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
Cyborg Tau-64 has been beaten with the stun baton by Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)!

*This repeats for a bit, after a failed attempt to unlock it's interface. I notice that this is not a very effective strategy, and remember my mystery access ID, and unsurprisingly, it has robotics access. Good thing it did, too, since my flash burnt out after unlocking the borg's interface.*

Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
You unlock Cyborg Tau-64's interface.
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
The bulb has burnt out!
The bulb has been burnt out!
The head compartment has been opened.
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) removes Cyborg Tau-64's brain!
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!

*Gizmo, the grey shirt, continues to bash the already brainless borg with a mechanical toolbox, and I attempt to disassemble the wall after the AI bolted us in, only to find a fake wall.*

You have added Damian Garneys's brain to the backpack.
You will now weld when you attack.
You push the wall but nothing happens!
The wall slides open!
Not welding anymore.

After this, I ran to arrivals and pulled an unconscious Kayden Bould to escape where he wouldn't burn to death, having the fortune for the AI to not have retracted the airbridge and cut off my escape. I start telling the AI that I blame it for my permanent deafness just as my deafness subsides, and then I start making brain removal and other puns related to how I defeated a borg in one-on-one combat.

Code:

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "I SURE BEAT THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BORG!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "Guess that borg was too... EMPTY HEADED!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "There are four laws. Law four is "TYRONE BEATS ALL BORGS!" YEAH!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "I AM THE KING OF BORG-FIGHTING!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "That borg sure was... SCREWED!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "My identity sure had HIGHER ACCESS than that borg!"

That was the first time I had ever fought a borg and won. Actually, the first time I've fought anyone and won. Usually if I have the upper hand, I either get too nervous thinking "Wait, what if this guy isn't an antag? What if he's just a huge dick and I shouldn't kill him?" and then my face is covered in acid.

[mbc]

(a story)

I was the officer who told you to stop emaggin' things at the start of the round (Dotty).

it was pretty funny, every time I saw you, it was because I had stumbled upon you beating someone up in the middle of the hallway. You got away every time and they killed you before I could actually arrest you, but by the end (dual-wielding taser guns for extra coolness) I was finally able to do it proper.