(01-03-2017, 07:07 AM)Asmadeus Wrote: Cluwnequeen spiders
One round, I joined late, took two steps down the hallway, then got extinguished to death by a queen cluwnespider. It was as traumatic as it was humiliating.
Fast forward a few weeks later, some time into the round I heard something over the radio about clownspiders, queen clownspiders. Whether the report was true or not didn't matter, I wasn't about to take any chances, so I did what any good HoP would do: Take the station's budget and disappear.
But not for long, I wasn't about to just let these honking eight-legged monsters take over my station. With a lasergun from the martian station, an injector belt set to robust, and an artblaster out of nowhere, I geared up and returned to the station to silence the laughter or die trying.
Back at the station, it was obvious just how bad the clownspider infestation was as I went in through medbay. Everything was dark and unpowered, covered with blood and cotton candy, with nothing over the radio but screams and puns. The hunt began.
I met the first clownspider in the lobby. It went down in a few shots, almost surprising how fragile these things were. Typical of clowns; it's all fun and games up until someone can actually fight back.
As I cut my way through the maintenance tunnels to arrivals, I found a clown, begging for death. *A* clown, not *the* clown. These freaks weren't just killing the crew, they were turning them into clowns! That poor crewman, I honored his wish and put him out of his ludicracy.
I bumped into another clownspider outside of the chapel security booth, as that clown ran my laser battery dead. My artblaster wasn't dead, and with it I made that spider dead too.
Something felt... off. I fell over and suddenly I couldn't breathe. My internals had turned into a clown mask! Bastard must've bitten me. I ran to the medical booth and scanned myself. I was clowning around, and fast! Not even my gutwrencher of a pun could stop the Spaceacillin from banishing this disease.
The shuttle arrived at long last, and some of the surviving, flamethrower-wielding crew boarded it. A few clownspiders ran inside as it left, but the crew didn't make it this long by sitting on their hands, so we killed the spiders and took off to Centcom.
We arrived in once piece, but we were anything but safe. The cluwnespiders turned Centcom into their damn nest!
Clownspiders, never again.