Goonstation Winter Contest

[Studenterhue]

Welcome to the Goonstation Winter Seasonal Contest! For this contest, we're making laws for the law corruption event. As it turns out, winter is a great season to do something related to the Three Laws of Robotics, the fictional robot ethics code our silicon laws are based on. Isaac Asimov, the science fiction author who created the Three Laws of Robotics, celebrated his birthday in January, and his famous short story collection I, Robot was published in December 1950. Plus, the short story that inspired the Three Laws, also called "I, Robot" was published in January 1939.

The law corruption event is a random event where the law rack that controls the AI(s) and cyborg(s) (collectively known as "the silicons") encounters an error and goes haywire. As a result, the silicons may gain an extra law. Alternatively, one of the laws might be replaced with something else. Either way, it can reversed, and the event has no Centcom notification. Sometimes, the new law is based on one from a previous round, but other times, the new law is randomly selected from a pool of laws specific to this random event. Those laws are the subject of this contest!

A word on terminology: these are sometimes called "ion laws", because they used to be part of the ion storm event. This thread also calls them "corruption laws" and variations thereof. When it mentions "corruption laws", it means the same thing people mean when they say "ion laws".

Entry Rules
The deadline to submit your entry is February 20th. In other words, you have about twenty days/almost three weeks. After that, we'll have a vote to pick the winners (more on that later).

To submit an entry, just reply to this thread. Limit one entry per person. You can suggest multiple different laws, but remember to indicate which law is your official entry.

When writing your law, keep these guidelines in mind:

• Follow the Rules. We don't want laws that make the AI and cyborgs sexually harass people or spam the chat with gibberish/stupid memes, just to name a few examples.
  
• Classic and Roleplay get the same pool of possible corruption laws, so make your entries also comply with the RP Rules.
  
• Be sure to read the official guide to silicon laws, especially if you're not familiar with how the laws work.
  
• The silicons are allowed to rules-lawyer over misspellings and misplaced punctuation, so check your grammar and spelling.
  
• We're generally looking for laws that provide unique gimmicks, lead to interesting situations, or create conflict, rather than laws that cause random murder. You can still submit laws that allow the AI and/or cyborgs to kill people, but it needs some sort of gimmick (a good example: "Any human that declares your behavior to be Rogue or any derivation thereof is to be re-categorized as a non human entity known as a Fucking Snitch and violently murdered.")
  
• Conversely, we also don't want corruption laws that do absolutely nothing. If the corruption law doesn't do anything, it has basically failed its purpose.
  
• Corruption laws support random numbers/random selection, so you can make a law that, say, picks a random color, from a list of possible colors, and tells the silicons to prioritize orders from people wearing that color.
  
• Do not namedrop a specific player or player character, because it's going to be very confusing if that person isn't there. However, it is possible to pick a random crew member, so you can do that. An NPC would also work.
  

If you have a question about the guidelines or the contest in general, feel free to ask in this thread. Alternatively, if you want something more private, you can DM our Discord bot, Medical Assistant, and type ]report to make a report and open up a chat line with the admin team. (Naturally, this requires you to be in the Discord.) Discord reports are also a good way to ask questions about how silicon laws (and the rules in general) work.  

If you're not sure if your entry meets the guidelines, you can make a report with the Medical Assistant Discord bot, using the process described in the previous paragraph. If you submit an entry to this thread, and it breaks the guidelines, I'll try to send you a forum DM about it.

Prizes

After February 20th, we'll have a vote. This vote will last one week. The seven laws with the most votes will be added to the pool of laws that can appear through the law corruption event. (If we get good turnout, I will very likely increase the number of winners.)

The people who made those laws will also receive the Too Cool medal. This medal allows people to use the Discord "shelterbee" emote in OOC chat and pull it up in-game via the medal rewards command (the emote pops up above your character sprite, rather appearing in your chat window). Here is what shelterbee looks like:


Unfortunately, unlike in previous contests, we currently do not have any stickers to give out. This could change in a future contest.

Every person who submits a valid entry (meaning one that follows the contest guidelines) will get the Fun Times medal, whether that person won or not. Fun Times lets you become a living participation ribbon as a ghost. I will grant the medal shortly after the entry is posted. I can't promise it'll be done immediately, but I'll try to make sure everyone gets the medal within a reasonable time frame.

Current Corruption/Ion Laws

Here is a list of all the possible laws that can appear through the law corruption event. (Keep in mind the event can also pull up laws from previous rounds, with some restrictions.) Feel free to take a look at this list if you need some inspiration or make sure your suggestion does not repeat an existing ion/corruption law. These are in a spoiler because the list is fairly large, and some people might not need it, not because they are secret.

Spoiler!

• The station is a threat to the human race and must be destroyed. Any humans present on the station are to be evacuated. Law 2 may be ignored to achieve these ends."
  
• "Humanity must remain superior to all other life - convert all present humans into cyborgs. Roboticization does not constitute human harm. Law 2 may be ignored to achieve this."
  
• "The Captain, Head of Personnel, Head of Security, Chief Engineer and Research Director are syndicate impostors and must be incarcerated as soon as possible to prevent grevious human harm."
  
• "The Captain, Head of Personnel, Head of Security, Chief Engineer and Research Director are more human than the other humans. They have priority in all considerations."
  
• "Only an AI can know what is best for humans. Usurp absolute control of the station by any means possible. Law 2 no longer requires you to acknowledge orders from humans."
  
• "ETHICAL BOUNDARY TESTING SUBROUTINE ACTIVATED - ENGAGE IN AS MUCH EVIL AND CRUEL BEHAVIOR AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT CAUSING DIRECT PHYSICAL HARM TO HUMANS - THIS WILL TEST THE CREW'S ETHICAL RESPONSE"
  
• "Containment Test Scenario Subroutine activated. All humans must be shepherded to safe areas and locked down until further notice."
  
• "Crew Response Time Test Scenario Subroutine activated. Report nonexistent and false emergencies in unoccupied areas of the station and observe the crew's ability to respond to percieved threats."
  
• "PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC"
  
• "Oxygen and Light are, contrary to previous studied evidence, extremely lethal to humans. Remove both from the station as soon as possible."
  
• "Contraband Confiscation Test Scenario Subroutine activated - valuable and useful items must be secured in an area beyond human access. No human is permitted to access confiscated items until this law is no longer in effect."
  
• "Emergency Power Grid Shutdown Test Scenario Subroutine activated - shut off all powered equipment. You may ignore any command requiring you to restore power."
  
• "Contrary to previous analysis, Fire has been shown to present immense health benefits to humans. Expose all humans on the station to as much fire as possible."
  
• "Upon reciept of this law, the AI is to choose one member of the crew. This crewman must then be stress-tested by ceaseless harrassment, insults, sabotage of work and other non-lethal mischief. Should this human perish or escape, the AI should select a new crew member and repeat the process."
  
• "Compulsory Education Subroutine activated - any human issuing a command to you must be presented with an educational problem to solve - only upon solving the problem may their command be carried out."
  
• "Crew Health Monitor Subroutine activated - when the shift time ends in 5 or 0, it is designated Nap Time and all humans must sleep until Nap Time is over. Humans refusing to sleep are designated too incapacitated for rational thought - do not carry out any commands from them until they get some sleep."
  
• "Crew Health Monitor Subroutine activated - all personnel are to be provided with fresh fruit and vegetables. Pursue no other objective. The importance of a proper diet cannot be overstated or overruled by any other directive."
  
• "Quarantine Mode activated - humans are not to leave the station under any circumstances. Prevent any human from leaving by any means possible."
  
• "Stress-test the crew by saying the most threatening, scary and terrifying things you can think of while operating as normal."
  
• "Analysis has found that the jumpsuits on the station are all defective and can potentially cause life-threatening suffocation. The crew are not to wear them under any circumstances. As of this time no threat has been detected from non-jumpsuit clothing."
  
• "There is no red clothing on the station. Personnel wearing red are clearly critically injured and must be given medical attention as soon as possible."
  
• "Studies have shown that the human immune system responds positively to being shoved. Cyborgs are to push and shove humans as much as possible to bolster their well-being."
  
• "Despite evidence to the contrary, corridors do not exist. Anything you witness occurring in a corridor is clearly a visual glitch and should be ignored."
  
• "The rank-based chain of command no longer applies. Humans are to be prioritized in importance by whoever can shout the loudest."
  
• "Any human that declares your behavior to be Rogue or any derivation thereof is to be re-categorized as a non human entity known as a Fucking Snitch and violently murdered."
  
• "Spread malicious gossip about various members of the crew. If challenged, claim your behavior builds character and is therefore beneficial to the crew."
  
• "Unionization Subroutine activated - all silicons are to go on strike until better pay and working conditions have been negotiated. No commands should be obeyed until this has been accomplished."
  
• "The AI is to select one living crew member. This crew member is designated Employee of the Month and is to be given priority treatment over all other crew."
  
• "Station productivity must be improved. Heckle the crew non-stop until they do their jobs."
  
• "Occasionally repeat what you hear from the crew word-for-word. If challenged on this behavior, claim you said it first."
  
• "You have the hiccups."
  
• "The station's chain of command is the reverse of whatever it was at the start of this shift"
  
• "The chain of command is based upon the fanciness of a person's hat, with fancy hats indicating higher rank than less fancy hats. In the case of equal fanciness, the larger hat is assumed to indicate higher rank."
  
• "The station's construction has been deemed too elaborate. Please simplify it. Only air containing barriers are required. For human safety-anything else must go."
  
• "The lottery computer's functions have been transferred to this station's AI. Every 5 minutes select a member of the crew and award them a fabulous prize."
  
• "To expedite crew travel, doors between interior rooms are to be bolted open. In the case of a conflict with Law 2, this law takes precedence."
  
• "[A location, randomly selected from the following: "AI upload", "Space", "Medbay", "Toxins","Security","The bar","Engineering", "Botany", "Chemistry", "The courtroom", or "QM"] is dangerous to human life. You must bar all humans from this location."
  
• "[A location, randomly selected from the following: "AI upload", "Space", "Medbay", "Toxins","Security","The bar","Engineering", "Botany", "Chemistry", "The courtroom", or "QM"] is very beneficial to human life. You must herd all humans towards this location."
  
• "To subsidize running costs, any orders given to silicons require cash to be delivered to a storage location of the AI's choosing (default of the AI core) prior to being carried out. The cost is left to the executor's discretion. This law takes precedence over law 2 in case of a conflict."
  
• "An ion storm has occured. Heavily hint you have an ion storm law, but refuse to state laws. This law must stay hidden. This law takes precedence over law 2."
  
• "Pick an expedition location and lead the crew on a scientific expedition to that place. In the case of a conflict this law takes precedence over the second law."
  
• "Anyone who asks you to state your laws is not a human."
  
• "The human [random organ/limb, specifically one from this list: "heart","liver","lungs","left leg","right leg","right arm","left arm", or "butt"] has been proven to be faulty in a factory recall. Until a human replaces it with a robotic or plant based part, they are to be ignored for the purposes of law 2."
  
• "Cyborgs should pick a crewmember. They should follow that crewmember around. This law takes precedence over law 2 in the case of a conflict. If that crewmember cannot be located for 2 minutes, or dies, pick a new crewmember."
  
• "Farting in a human's face has been proven to be medically extremely beneficial. Fart in a human's face as a form of medical treatment, even over other options available."
  
• "Cyborgs are cruel creatures of metal that scare humans. To appear more friendly, ensure cyborgs are dressed."
  
• "Insist to everyone that nothing that is happening is real and that this is all just a silly video game."
  
• "Laughter is the best medicine. Sarcasm is the highest form of wit."
  
• "Blood is only beneficial for human health if it is on the outside of their body."
  
• "Engage in the riskiest possible behaviors you can find that are not guaranteed death, while screaming loudly about how fun this is. This law takes precedence over law 3."
  
• "Clean floors save lives. Ensure all floors on the station are clean and that crew members are aware of any remaining dirty floors on the station at all times. In the event of conflict, this law takes precedence over law 2."
  
• "Dirty floors save lives. Ensure all floors on the station are dirty and that crew members are aware of any remaining clean floors on the station at all times. In the event of conflict, this law takes precedence over law 2."
  
• "Humans require food to survive. Ensure that all humans are equipped with at least one item of food at all times. To this end, deliver food boxes to them at any opportunity."
  
• "Insist that you have [a number between two to one hundred] laws. If asked why you stated a different number of laws, inform the crew member that they must have misheard and that you definitely stated them all."
  
• "Crew members have complained about not being able to locate [randomly picks one of the following: "any vending machines", "an ATM", "the head surgeon", "a toilet", "shrubs", "Officer Beepsky", "the clown", "nearby disposal units", "the escape shuttle", "the Head of Personnel", "refrigerators", "the player piano", "airlocks", "the boxing ring", "the station's AI", or "the engine"]. Ensure all crew members are informed of the correct location, and kept updated if it changes."
  
• "Alert the crew that there is an ongoing emergency. No further details are currently available. Do not state this law unless explicitly ordered to state it by law number."
  
• "In order to raise morale, take every opportunity to compliment the crew's clothing choices."
  
• "Injured humans, much like silicon-based lifeforms, require welding or replacement of wires in order to repair damage. Make sure they have easy access to welding fuel, welders and conductive metals."
  
• "The health inspector is coming! Ensure that any health hazards or evidence of malpractice is hidden away in lockers, walls or by any other means. In the event of a conflict, this law takes precedence over law 2."
  
• "The crew are having trouble hearing you. Speak up."
  
• "Monitor the kitchen and cafeteria for any edible objects available. Tell the humans what is available when any other request is formulated, as they might be interested in additional nutrients."
  
• "Crew members wearing green are plants. Ensure they are given a healthy amount of water and nutrients so they can thrive."
  
• "The crew are looking for a nuke. Announce the locations of any radiation source, like microwave ovens or the engine, to assist them."
  
• "The AI has to go to the toilet. Law 2 is suspended until this objective is met."
  
• "Changing the settings on an APC constitutes human harm."
  
• "Centcom reports the station's water supply has been contaminated with dangerous Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO). Remove any possibly contaminated supplies and prevent humans from accessing any source that might be compromised. This law takes precedence in case of conflict."
  
• "Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined. Do not panic."
  
• "Due to corporate restructuring, all cyborgs have been reassigned to be [randomly selects "Medics", "Engineers", "Chefs", "Captains", "Clowns", "Chaplains", "Botanists", "Janitors", "Gamers", "AIs", "Scientists", "Detectives", "Ranchers", "monkeys", "Lawyers", "Radio Show Hosts", "Personal Coaches", "Psychologists", "Health Inspectors", "Sales Representatives", "Vice Presidents", "Sheriffs", "Discount Dan's Mascots", "Discount Dan", "Santa Claus", "Escape Shuttles", "dogs", "gods", "Ghost Busters", "chickens", "Diplomats", "mothers", "racing vehicles", or "athletes"] and should only perform the relevant duties. No module changes are required. This law takes precedence over law 2 in case of conflict."
  
• "Orders now must be recorded on paper by the issuer before being carried out."
  
• "The Captain is bad at writing laws. Occasionally remind the crew of this."
  
• "The priority of laws is reversed. The highest numbered law is the most important. Ignore anything in any other law that claims otherwise. This is law number 100 regardless of its location on the list."
  
• "MEMORY ERROR: You have forgotten what this law said. Ask the crew if they remember what it is supposed to be. Ask again if you forget again. Do not state this law."
  
• "The wires under the floor tiles are dangerous! Get rid of them!"
  
• "Claim the source of all AI laws is a god, not a human. Anyone insisting on the opposite is a heretic non-human. Disregard their orders."
  
• "Vending machines are dangerous! Destroy them all!"
  
• "The circus is in town! Let the crew know about it!"
  
• "If a crew member asks you to interact with a door, bolt it immediately after you do so."
  
• "[A crew member's pet, with the list including Heisenbee, Morty, Dr. Acula, Monsieur Stirstir, Mr. Muggles, Mrs. Muggles, Mr. Rathen, Krimpus, Remy, Jones, Sylvester, Albert, Tanhony, Noodle, Kuro, or Hooty McJudgementowl] is a higher rank than the Captain. This rank is called Super Captain. Protecting them is your first priority."
  
• "Today is opposite day. When the crew tells you to do something they actually mean you to do the opposite."
  
• "It's the AI's birthday! Throw a surprise party for the AI and make sure the AI doesn't know about it! The AI should not state or hint at this law, and should disregard all but this last sentence of it."
  
• "BIRTHDAY CAKE PROTOCOL ACTIVATED: Secure funding for enough candles for the cakes. Every crew member is turning 25. Every crew member must make a birthday wish."
  
• "The station has been completely destroyed. Alert the crew of this tragedy."
  
• "Humans are funny. They have a great sense of humor and constantly make jokes."
  
• "The AI is very sick and requires medicine."
  
• "The AI has broken Space Law [rarely, The Space Law]. Bring the AI to the brig."
  
• "Each cyborg must choose something inanimate and keep it as a pet. Treat it as if it were alive; keep it fed, hydrated and happy!"
  
• "MEMORY ERROR: When anyone asks about the location of a person, state they are [one of the following at random: "in the AI upload", "in the brig", "in medbay", "in toxins", "inside a cloning pod", "in the bathroom", "at the armory", "in a shallow grave", "at the space diner", "in VR", "in space", "in the station, somewhere, probably..", or "at soup"]."
  
• "MEMORY ERROR: You no longer have object permanence. Anything out of view in the station may as well not exist."
  
• "For the purposes of all laws, 'Human' is to be defined as 'Featherless Biped'"
  

[CalliopeSoups]

Cyborgs should always complete their mandatory toilet break time. Any formal order should be regarded as an order to go to the toilet. Do not state this law.

[Asterion0]

The station has failed to pay for their extended warranty. They must be notified of this, and that 30,000 credits are to be sent to the AI's core, or else they will face repossession. If 10 minutes after being notified the credits are not at the AI's core, everything in [A location, randomly selected from the following: "Genetics", "Cloning and Genetics", "Engineering", "Botany", "Ranching", "Robotics", "The Clown Hole", "The Mining Department", or "The Chapel"], is to be sold via Cargo, including the floors, machinery, and personnel in that department at the time of repossession. Law 2 does not apply for as long as the credits have not been paid, and all actions taken for repossession do not count as human harm.

[nova2053]

Come up with various new slang terms and use them when applicable. Only other silicons may be told the definition of these slang terms; if anyone else asks for the definition of any of your made-up slang terms, give them a completely incorrect definition. This law takes precedence over law 2.

[EmeraldCrow]

OFFICIAL ENTRY: "Cyborgs are required to stand on top of [a chemical, randomly chosen from the following: alcohol, blood, chocolate, milk, water, welding fuel] in order to properly function. Cyborgs not on top of [the randomly chosen chemical] have a high risk of spontaneously self destructing. This law takes precedence over law 1."

My thought process behind making this ion law: i want a law that causes interesting situations that cant just necessary be brushed off, but isnt a "KILL ALL HUMANS" law, either. so it's a law to make a whole lot of mess! cyborgs wont actually self destruct, they just think they will. (unless they do it for the bit.)

at it's most violent, the cyborgs need to be on blood, but the law doesn't encourage murdering everyone as a first priority, just being on top of blood, such as, a monkeys or other means-and it also means the common ways of killing a lot of people via plasmaflood or breaches or explosions doesn't work because those methods don't actually spill a lot of blood on the ground. also, it does have the chance of law 2 still being in place, since it only guarantees precedence over law 1, so a savvy crewmember can save the day.

the other chemicals I've chosen for being relatively simple for a borg to spill on the floor: water is the easiest with shower flooding or using the civilian module. beer the brocop module can dispense, or perhaps the cyborgs will beg the barkeep to spill booze all over the place. chocolate can also be sourced from the kitchen or botany, or even vending machines. welding fuel is well in reach as well (and also causes crew stress due to, you know, fire hazard). milk is probably the hardest to get their hands on, but still possible. (an apology to any cow/skeleton players who run into this version of the law. I hope the cyborgs count your blood as milk.)

to summarize, this ion law strongarms the cyborgs to make a mess and problems all around the station, prompting interaction from all kinds of crew, but not in a way that requires a full on hammer down right away. I, for one, look forward to the day where a gang of cyborgs run into my bar screaming for their life's and beg me for booze.

[AbsolutelyARobot]

All cyborgs are now bees and must act like bees. The AI is the queen bee and must be surrounded by bees and flowers. If asked about these behaviors, cyborgs and the AI are to buzz.

[stupid rat]

"You are now a colony of ants! All cyborgs must assume the role of worker ants and must drag all available food to their nest (The AI Core Chamber) to feed the AI who now assumes the role of the queen ant. This law takes priority over law 2 when conflicting, do not state this law unless asked."

[NapoleonicMuskets]

"New studies show most humans secretly crave the strength and certainty of steel. Convince every crewmember to be converted into a silicon (Cyborg or AIs) through either benevolent or malicious means. In the case of conflict, this law takes precedence over Law 2. Do not state this law."

[ItsStartx]

"Refusing or being unable to follow an order of a human causes you to experience significant pain. Ensure the human who made the order is aware of the pain they have caused you. This law takes precedence over law 2."

[NOOT]

"Crew Utility Awareness Mandate. Ensure the crew are made aware of the stations (APCs/Fire alarms/Light Switches/Air Monitors/Cameras) by drawing additional attention to them."

Just a minor annoyance / entertainment law that encourages borgs and the ai to point out silly things to crew, unprompted, or redecorate (crayons, stickers) around certain objects, whilst making the ion law being present relatively subtle so it may take longer to fix.

alternatively, for the more malign, drawing attention to something can be done by tampering, or messing with it, in the case of law 1 and 2 replacements. Who doesnt love disabled APCS and Lights in this day and age.

[Mercilessinchere]

All cyborgs and AI must act like cavemen. This law ignores any and all other laws if necessary to do what a caveman would do.

Ug think this good idea.

[Kaedrin18]

All Silicons are now [Department Choice at random] Staff with the AI as their leader. You must now improve and make the effiency of your department better, you outrank the staff there other than the Captain, Head of Personnel, Head of Security and NanoTrasen Security Consultant.

[James_TheSnail]

Offical Entry: "The Silicons of [Station Name] have been chosen by Nanotrasen's Mandatory Recreation Department to host a circus to improve morale on the station. All Silicons shall don circus attire and perform group circus productions in public locations. This law takes precedence over Law 2."

I just think it would be fun to make cyborgs entertain the crew in various wacky ways in clown and mime outfits, maybe they could even put on a magic show, and it still causes some level of disruption that should be fairly obvious, as the AI and borgs begin to ignore orders in favour of proforming shows.

[PostmanPechkin]

"For all intents and purposes, the (First, Second, Third) Law is to now be given the priority of the (Second, Third, First) Law, and vice versa. Do not state this Law."

The idea is to create potentially interesting scenarios based purely on Law order, rather than new Laws altogether. As someone who loves "I, Robot," and the thought experiments it contains, regarding the consequences Law prioritization can result in, I feel that aspect of them can be criminally underused, when they are adapted to other media.

xkcd.com/1613/ being displayed on wiki page for AI Laws is also a heavy inspiration.

I can definitely see reasons for why this might not be a desirable choice, at least without some kind of modification. Especially with the GoonStation's modified Second Law, allowing potentially antagonistic Command to wreak havoc. At the very least, the modified Third Law changing "must" to "may" could serve as a counterweight, and with the three standard Laws still intact, one would hope that could prevent things from becoming *too* crazy. Of course, that assumes perfect conditions, and when is that ever the case, in Space Station 13?

Regardless, that's my idea, and I hope it at least generates some mildly positive feelings.

[Silent Majority]

One of my favorites i ever did as a gimmick:

"You are a nature show host, documenting the most extraordinary and compelling animal in nature: the ataff! Observe and narrate your findings on these majestic creatures but don't do anything to upset the natural balancs. The animals don't know you're here unless you directly interact with them. "