Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Sundance]

Law and Order: Space Victims Unit.
Starring:
Sundance Feely: The angry accused HoS
Aquinass the dumb: The mistreated wizard
Alan: The witness, and commander of personnel
THE JUDGE: THE JUDGE
Ensign: The notorious space attorney at law
The AI: The mild mannered peace-keeper
Kiki: The insane revolutionary and denounced Captain
Zander: The assistant who took up arms to fight for order
Everyone else: The mixture of angry rioters and other important people who probably should be in the story but I forget their names.

I could go on and tell the story, I even had a bit of it typed out, but what I really need is the logs. It is a thrilling story of deceit, betrayal, corruption and a shimmer of hope.
Pretty sure Daeren saved em'.

[Daeren]

Law and Order: Space Victims Unit.
Starring:
Sundance Feely: The angry accused HoS
Aquinass the dumb: The mistreated wizard
Alan: The witness, and commander of personnel
THE JUDGE: THE JUDGE
Ensign: The notorious space attorney at law
The AI: The mild mannered peace-keeper
Kiki: The insane revolutionary and denounced Captain
Zander: The assistant who took up arms to fight for order
Everyone else: The mixture of angry rioters and other important people who probably should be in the story but I forget their names.

I could go on and tell the story, I even had a bit of it typed out, but what I really need is the logs. It is a thrilling story of deceit, betrayal, corruption and a shimmer of hope.
Pretty sure Daeren saved em'.

Posted them in the main thread on SA.

[Cogwerks]

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showth ... t420937387

[Sundance]

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthr...t420937387

Can't access the SA thread as i am not an SA member

[Klayboxx]

In the Space Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Heads of Security who shave wizards, and the Administrators who organize gimmick trials. These are their stories.

Central Authority Update

Notice

Sundance Feely, please report to the Space Hague immediately for Space Crimes against Humanity. Your treatment of prisoners is absurd and completely inhuman. Your trial begins in 15 minutes.

[16:45:03] Daeren/(Ensign Daeren): wait what
[16:45:10] Shotgunbill/(Logan Woollard): he shaved a wizard
[16:45:16] Shotgunbill/(Logan Woollard): HE SHAVED A WIZARD

Sundance Feely: What is this
Sundance Feely: madness
Sundance Feely: where the hell is space hague

Ensign Daeren: sundance
Ensign Daeren: give me all access and i will be your lawyer
Ensign Daeren: trust me i have passed the space bar

Alan Cowart: So any preferences?
AquinASS the Dumb: Me?
Alan Cowart: Yeah
Alan Cowart: I've been asking what job you wanted
AquinASS the Dumb: Chaplain
AquinASS the Dumb: Im still spreading space Satanism
Sundance Feely: yeah give him chaplain
AquinASS the Dumb: I will not let you down

Scarecambot: THE JUDGE, you're on the spooky station! Enjoy your new temp job as a Staff Assistant!
THE JUDGE points to Sundance Feely.
THE JUDGE: THERE HE IS.
THE JUDGE: YOU WILL BE AT YOUR TRIAL IN TWELVE MINUTES.
THE JUDGE: YOU HAVE SPACE CRIMES TO ANSWER FOR.

Ensign Daeren: will you take me up on my generous offer
Alan Cowart: Hey wait this is a tourist ID
Alan Cowart: I can't legally upgrade your ID
Ensign Daeren: i have passed the space bar
Ensign Daeren: give me a lawyer ID
Ensign Daeren: and i will defend sundance
Alan Cowart: Where did you study?
Ensign Daeren: university of phoenix online
Ensign Daeren: in space
Alan Cowart: Good enough for me

THE JUDGE: basically here's the scoop
THE JUDGE: sundance captured and shaved the wizard, then regulated him to clown abuse

Sundance Feely: I will not stand trail just because some ugly staff assistant demanded. Where the hell IS space hague anyway
Ensign Daeren: feely trust me i have an open and shut case
Sundance Feely: I am fining the administration for fabrication of the truth
Sundance Feely: ensign daeren
Ensign Daeren farts delicately.
Sundance Feely: you shall be my lawyer
Ensign Daeren: aight

Frank Railway: OH YES!
Frank Railway: POSE FOR ME OWL!

Sundance Feely: fine, I have legal representation.
Sundance Feely: ensign daeren will be my representive of law
THE JUDGE: I accept.
THE JUDGE: You have eight minutes to discuss your case.

The station runs out of money.

Alan Cowart: Please welcome our new chaplain wizard Wiz Dude
Alan Cowart: GO MAKE ME SOME MONEY LAWYER
Ensign Daeren: AIGHT
Ensign Daeren: FOLLOW ME TO THE SLOTS

Cesar Adams: I have performed a brain transplant experiment on one of the dead wizard corpses. I am attempting to move their powers to a new body
James Johnson: That's an insane idea. I like it.

Sundance Feely: they think I abuse my prisoners
Ensign Daeren: what are the allegations of abuse
Don Gumbo: PLEAS EHELP WE'VE GOT WOUNDED OH MY GOD HELPPPPPPPP
Ruben Wile: SEC BEATING ME UP IN BRIG AUGH

Frank Railway: I touched an owl and I think it might have been rabid

Ensign Daeren: okay so what's the allegation of abuse
Sundance Feely: I shaved his beard and sliced him a little, but it was only by accident
Sundance Feely: I am an awful barber
Ensign Daeren: hm yes
Ensign Daeren: what was the wizard's name
Sundance Feely: aquinASS
Sundance Feely: the Dumb
Ensign Daeren: hmm yes
Ensign Daeren: any other abuses and crimes against humanity i should know about
Sundance Feely: I once murdered an orphanage
Sundance Feely: orphanage williams was his name

Central Authority Update

Alert

Head of Security Officer Sundance Feely, report to the Courtroom immediately. Crew, please report to the Jury section of the Courtroom. Sundance Feely is wanted for crimes against humanity.

Ensign Daeren: aight it's go time

Central Authority Update

Sundance Feely will be represented by Ensign Daeren, a notorious Space Lawyer from the Donk n' Donk Law Firm.

Ensign Daeren: I OBJECT
Ensign Daeren: I AM NOT NOTORIOUS

Central Authority Update

We require more jurors. Please report to the Courtroom. Two minutes until trial. The Space Hague will be paying your juror's fees.

Ruben Wile: I wanna be a juror
Kiki Kolana: I am now the captain by way of finders keepers. Don't start before I get there.
Chase Quentin: Where is the courtroom?
Alan Cowart: EVERYONE COME ON
Ensign Daeren: outside the bridge
Sundance Feely: get away from my room you cretin!
Alan Cowart: As HoP I am correspondant to the action fo the crew so I will also be on trial
James Johnson: We're actually doing a trial?

Central Authority Update

The Courtroom is right in front of the Bridge. You cannot miss it. YOU WORK HERE, PEOPLE.

Central Authority Update

Sundance Feely's trial begins... now.

THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely. Do you understand why you are here today?
Sundance Feely: Slightly
James Johnson: The judge is actually a staff assistant.
Sundance Feely grins.
Alan Cowart: He's still a helluva judge
Frankie Signh: someone get a weapon
Ensign Daeren: SILENCE IN THE PEANUT GALLERY
Donald Keyes: I don't think we take order from the defense attorney
Ensign Daeren screams!

THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely, you are wanted for crimes against humanity for breaking the Space Geneva Convention on the Treatment of Wartime Prisoners.
Sundance Feely nods.
Robot 534: ALL NONOFFICAL PERSONELL ARE TO LEAVE THE COURTROOM
THE JUDGE: The Space Hague is in Europe. We do European Law around here. This is an inquiry court, not an adversial one.
Ensign Daeren: fuck (Whispered)
THE JUDGE: Sundance Feely, can you please describe what you did to that poor man?
THE JUDGE: The wizard.
Sundance Feely: for what crimes against humanity am I being charged with
THE JUDGE: Inhumane treatment of prisoners, improper conduct and jaywalking.
Kiki Kolana: JAYWALKER
Sundance Feely: jaywalking!?
THE JUDGE: Jaywalking.
Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION
Ensign Daeren: THERE ARE NO ROADS IN SPACE TO JAYWALK ON
THE JUDGE: OBJECTION sustained.
THE JUDGE: We will not be covering the topic of jaywalking, as noted by Mr. Daeren.

Jenny Chengling: Kiki, please stop jumping in your chair (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: I'm so excited though

Alan Cowart: Rehabilitation isn't a war crime, it's a service your honor
Robot 534: Question
Robot 534: Is this so called treatment documented
Robot 534: Where is the proof?

Alan Cowart: Chef bring some popcorn to the courtroom

Shotgunbill/(THE JUDGE): I cannot stop laughing IRL
Daeren/(Ensign Daeren):

The wizard is dragged in, shaved and naked

Sundance Feely: hey theres the wiz
Sundance Feely: wizard speak up for your self
AquinASS the Dumb: Hello
THE JUDGE: Bring the wizard over to me.
Sundance Feely: He was dressed last time I checked
Sundance Feely: Somebody stripped him naked to make me look bad (Whispered)
THE JUDGE: I want the wizard to discuss HOW Sundance Feely here abused him.
THE JUDGE: Mr. Wizard, please, you have the floor.
Ensign Daeren throws the photo of AquinASS the Dumb and a chair
Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE A
Ensign Daeren: PHOTOGRAPH OF THE ALLEGED WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: NOTE HE IS PROPERLY ATTIRED IN THE OUTFIT OF A STAFF ASSISTANT
Mr. Shimbob: ; HELP ME IN HANGAR MY FUCKING ARM CAME OFF
Ensign Daeren: WHY WOULD A SO CALLED WIZARD WEAR A GRAY SHIRT
Donald Keyes: It wasn't even a wizard! (Whispered)

Daeren/(Ensign Daeren): i'm fucking dying that there's another wizard running around killing people as this is going on

AquinASS the Dumb: He cut off all my hair and humiliated me
Ensign Daeren screams!
Terry Swagger screams!
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT, ORDER IN THE COURT.
Lamar Hopkins: Awesome
Sundance Feely: Your hair was dirty
AquinASS the Dumb: all i was here to do was to help bridge the gap between our people
Alan Cowart: Would you shits find a seat
Alan Cowart: You're clogging up the court room

THE JUDGE: LET THAT DAMN WIZARD SPEAK.
Ensign Daeren: fine
THE JUDGE: That wizard is hella noble. Look at that, he said he wanted to bridge the gap between our peoples.
Donald Keyes: A real diplomat... (Whispered)
John Fuckupson: Did that judge just say hella? (Whispered)
Robot 534: ALL PERSONELL NOT DIRECTLY INVOLVED WITH THIS CASE CLEAR THE COURT

Sundance Feely: He is a satanist!
AquinASS the Dumb: And?
Oddball Rhinehart: LIES AND SLANDER!
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT! LET THE WIZARD SPEAK!
AquinASS the Dumb: Last i checked Satanism was a Legal Religion
Donald Keyes: A religious man... (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: NOT ENOUGH CHAIRS
Kiki Kolana: I CALL MISTRIAL
Ensign Daeren: ALL NERDS SHUT UP AND LET PROCEEDINGS CONTINUE OR YOU GET PRISONED
Ensign Daeren screams!
James Johnson: Be quiet, Kolana.

THE JUDGE: Wizard, how did Sundance Feely treat your when he took you in?
Alan Cowart: May I speak your honor?

Another wizard casts Pandemonium, and gives Swedish, Chavvish, and Funky accents to everyone, which were not included in admin logs

Ensign Daeren: oh god damnit
Kiki Kolana: Oh god
Sundance Feely frowns.
Alan Cowart: Ohh shit fuck
James Johnson: Oh god, this is a swedish trial now.
Kiki Kolana: MISTRIAL
Roshan Tamboli: welp
Jack Queen: what the hell?
Frank Railway: I FEEL STRANGE!
Cyborg Xi-69: Oh good
Boop Bot: Oh my.
THE JUDGE: DAMN IT
John Mcgeegerton: FUCK
THE JUDGE: ORDER
THE JUDGE: ORDER!!!
Jenny Chengling: Good lord
Ensign Daeren: lmfao
AquinASS the Dumb: Welp
John Fuckupson: Oh god, what is this!?
Sundance Feely: THE WIZARD IS COLLOBRATING TO BRING DOWN THE STATION
Jonathan Livingstone: There are better ways to do that, sir.
Jenny Chengling: This is TERRIBLE
Robot 534: A short recess should be held

Ensign Daeren: JUDGE MAY I SUBMIT EVIDENCE B
THE JUDGE: Yes, you may submit Evidence B.
Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE B
Sundance Feely raises an eyebrow.
Ensign Daeren: A PICTURE OF A HANDSOME DASHING HEAD OF SECURITY CLEARLY NOT INVOLVED WITH THE MURDER OF ENTIRE ORPHANAGES
THE JUDGE: ORDER!
Sailor Dave: ahahahahahahaha
Sundance Feely: I told you ensign
Sundance Feely: It was only 1 orphanage
Frank Railway: THOSE POOR ORPHANS!
Donald Keyes: Bad enough they lost their parents... (Whispered)
Sundance Feely: I was meant to whisper that

THE JUDGE: Wizard. Do you recognize that man?
AquinASS the Dumb: Yes
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT!
THE JUDGE: LET THE DAMN WIZARD SPEAK.
THE JUDGE: What did that man do to you?
AquinASS the Dumb: He stripped me in public, cut my hair, which is against my religion might i add, then stole all my belongings
THE JUDGE: Oh my god.
Erak Zolon gasps.
THE JUDGE: OH MY GOD.


Central Authority Update

OH MY GOD.

AquinASS the Dumb says, "He stripped me in public, cut my hair, which is against my religion might i add, then stole all my belongings"

Erak Zolon screams!
Kiki Kolana: DEAR LORD
Jenny Chengling screams!
Jonathan Livingstone: Come on.
Chase Quentin: SUNDANCE IS GUILTY!
Frank Railway: HEARSAY!
Chase Quentin: GUILTY!
THE JUDGE: YOU CUT ... THE WIZARD'S HAIR?
THE JUDGE: IS THAT WHY HE HAS NO BEARD?
John Mcgeegerton: GUILTY FUCKER
Kiki Kolana: EXCUTE HIM
Kiki Kolana: GET THE CHAIR
Oddball Rhinehart: ILL SET HIM ON FIRE!

Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION
Ensign Daeren: I REFER TO EVIDENCE A ONCE MORE
Ensign Daeren: NOTE THE SHOCKING AND APPALLING LACK OF A BEARD IN EVIDENCE A
Ensign Daeren: OR OF WHITE HAIR
Ensign Daeren: WHAT WIZARD HAS A BLACK HAIRCUT
Ensign Daeren: I DEMAND AN ANSWER FOR THIS KANGAROO COURT
Sundance Feely: I gave him a toupee

THE JUDGE: IT WOULD APPEAR THAT MR. FEELY DOES INDEED SEEM GUILTY OF THIS HORRIBLE CRIME.
Alan Cowart: Your honor Sundance should definately be charged, but as the HoP I ensured that the wizard was still allowed to practice his beliefes. So could you not sue the station?
THE JUDGE: ENSIGN DAEREN.
THE JUDGE: PLEASE PROVIDE...
THE JUDGE: YOUR DEFENSE!
Ensign Daeren: OF COURSE YOUR HONOR
Ensign Daeren: FIRST OF ALL SUNDANCE IS AWESOME AND AQUINASS IS A KNOWN CHARLATAN WHO HAD A FAKE BEARD STRAPPED TO HIS SHAMEFUL FACE
Ensign Daeren: SECOND OF ALL HE WAS WEARING A TOUPEE
Ensign Daeren: WHAT THE HELL WIZARD WEARS A TOUPEE
Robot 534: This is a shocking development
THE JUDGE: Hmm, yes, WHERE is the evidence of your beard, Wizard???
Ensign Daeren: THIRD OF ALL HE WAS FOUND IN THE SPACE CUSTOMS LOBBY WITH AN ASSISTANT OUTFIT
Sundance Feely nods.
Sundance Feely grins.
THE JUDGE: A very good point! He may not even be a wizard at all!
AquinASS the Dumb: I was a DIPLOMAT FROM OUR PEOPLE
Ensign Daeren: I SUBMIT THAT THIS ALLEGED WIZARD IS NOTHING MORE THAN A CON MAN WHO WISHES TO BILK US OUT OF LEGAL FEES
John Mcgeegerton: YOU SHOULD BE MUDERED
Kiki Kolana: A PHONEY WIZARD

THE JUDGE: WIZARD, why were you seen wearing an Assistant Uniform?
AquinASS the Dumb: that picture was taken after the stripping and beating
AquinASS the Dumb: I was sent to STOP THIS WAR
Ensign Daeren: A LIKELY STORY
Jenny Chengling: This is a show trial (Whispered)
Wyatt Caldwell: Total sham (Whispered)

Ensign Daeren: IF HE IS TRULY A WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: LET US SEE HIM CAST A SPELL
Ensign Daeren: RIGHT NOW
Sundance Feely: what kind of wizard has BLACK EYEBROWS
THE JUDGE: Yes.
THE JUDGE: I agree.
THE JUDGE: Wizard, prove that you are, in fact, a wizard.
Frank Railway: YES! DO A CARD TRICK!
AquinASS the Dumb: Give me a robe and i shall
THE JUDGE: You do not get a robe to prove if you are magical. Harry Potter didn't need a robe to cast a fucking spell, now did he???

Ensign Daeren: EVIDENCE C
Sundance Feely raises an eyebrow.
Ensign Daeren: OUR HANDSOME HEAD OF PERSONNEL WHO GAVE ME MY LEGAL CERTIFICATE
Jenny Chengling yawns.
Marisa P. Scarlet:: HELPPP!!!!
Ensign Daeren: THIS MAN HELPED THIS ASSISTANT GET A PROMOTION TO CHAPLAIN
Ensign Daeren: WHAT THE HELL WIZARD
Ensign Daeren: WOULD WANT TO BE CHAPLAIN
THE JUDGE: HMMMM.
Ensign Daeren: THIS WIZARD HAS NO SUPPORT OF HIS CLAIMS
Sundance Feely: Yes! I brought the staff assistant to the hop after his shenanigns

John Fuckupson: GIVE THE MAN A WAND!
AquinASS the Dumb: Im not harry potter
AquinASS the Dumb: Also Rowling was a shit head
Ensign Daeren: WHOA
Ensign Daeren: RUDE
Jenny Chengling: That IS rude (Whispered)
AquinASS the Dumb: and that man over there is wearing my HOOD
James Johnson: I'm the Head of Assistance. I picked up the hood because it looks good on my uniform.

THE JUDGE: Attention everyone, please follow my logic on this one:
THE JUDGE: a) Harry Potter is a wizard. b) The wizard claims that he is not Harry Potter...
THE JUDGE: The Wizard is not a WIZARD.
Albrecht The Explorer: Beautiful.
AquinASS the Dumb gasps.
Kiki Kolana: BUT WHAT ABOUT GANDALF
John Mcgeegerton: YES HE IS
John Mcgeegerton: HE IS A WIZARD
Oddball Rhinehart: BURN THE NOT WITCH!
Sailor Dave: YOUR HONOR
Sailor Dave: I PROPOSE THAT HARRY POTTER WAS NEVER ACTUALLY A WIZARD!
Frank Railway: wizard or not, this man is a brute (Whispered)

Erak Zolpon (DEAD): wait... THEY'RE HOLDING A TRIAL
Erak Zolon (DEAD): WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!?!

Robot 534: ORDER IN THE COURT
THE JUDGE: THIS IS NOT A CASE ABOUT THIS MAN.
THE JUDGE: ORDER IN THE COURT.
Ensign Daeren: I FILE A COUNTER CLAIM THAT AQUINASS IS A HUGE NERD WHO HAS WASTED OUR TIME AND BLEMISHED THE GOOD NAME OF SUNDANCE "LITERALLY MURDERED BABIES" FEELY
William Cosby: EXECUTION BY FLAMETHROWER!
Cyborg Xi-69: I propose we do bloodwork to test his magic levels.

THE JUDGE: Attention, JURORS.
Kiki Kolana: BURN HIM AT THE STAKE
THE JUDGE: ATTENTION.
THE JUDGE: EVERYONE ATTENTION GOD DAMN IT.
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN THIS CASE.
Terry Swagger: wizard kinda sucks
Sailor Dave: DIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN THE "WIZARD" SPEAK.
THE JUDGE: WE HAVE SEEN DAEREN'S EVIDENCE.
THE JUDGE: WE NOW NEED...
THE JUDGE: SUNDANCE.
THE JUDGE: YOUR STATEMENT.
Sundance Feely: my statement?
THE JUDGE: Your statement.
THE JUDGE: Closing remarks before we go to the jurors.

William Cosby: All those in favor of burning the wizard?
Shitty Bill burps.
Oddball Rhinehart: There is no wizard!
Wyatt Caldwell: I think he's a wizard
Donald Keyes: Is the duck a witness? (Whispered)
Kiki Kolana: I'm in favor of executing Sundance for his crimes against the wizard
Cyborg Xi-69: Wizards are human, how barbaric are you!?

Sundance Feely: I found this staff assistants practising dark arts. He is an insult to wizard, I took him in, with his staff assistant clothing to the hop to be reassigned
Alan Cowart: I can attest to that, I reassigned him to chaplain
Kiki Kolana: But you shaved him
Ensign Daeren: SILENCE
THE JUDGE: Oh dear, Daeren.
Sundance Feely: He had a dirty beard, not a clean white one, like wizard should
THE JUDGE: It appears that ... perhaps the wizard... is a wizard???
THE JUDGE: Practicing DARK ARTS hmmmmm?????
Ensign Daeren: OBJECTION AGAIN
Ensign Daeren: DARK ARTS ARE DIFFERENTIATED FROM DORK ARTS
Alan Cowart: Satanism isn't magic your honor

Frank Railway: Gentlemen, I think we should resolve the matter in a civilized manner and burn the wizard to ashes

THE JUDGE: Harry Potter loved his Defence against the Dark Arts class - like all wizards do.
Kiki Kolana: Harry was a nerd
William Cosby: I vote that I burn the wizard
THE JUDGE: Any other statements for the court, Mr. Feely?
Sundance Feely: This "wizard" wasn't practicing wizard arts. He was just clearly insane believing he
Alan Cowart: Stall them by finding the other wizard (Whispered)

Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> THE JUDGE: Your Honor, I have a couple hundred credits with your name on it, if you agree to sway the trial in the Wizard's favor.
Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> Ensign Daeren: I'll pay you TWICE what he pays if you agree to have Sundance declared GUILTY.
Ensign Daeren's PDA used by Ensign Daeren -> Sailor Dave: that would be 420 trillion space dollars
Sailor Dave's PDA used by Sailor Dave -> Ensign Daeren: Agreed.

Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
Sundance Feely screams!
John Mcgeegerton: CALM THE FUCK DOWN
Gandolfini: OH ME OH MY
Jonathan Livingstone: This will hurt.
Robot 534: STAND AWAY FROM THE DEFENDANT

Ensign Daeren: NEW EVIDENCE YOUR HONOR
Ensign Daeren: A CRIMES HAS ATTEMPTED TO BRIBE ME IN AN EFFORT TO CHANGE MY TESTIMONY
Ensign Daeren: ONE "SAILOR NOT REALLY ALL THAT HANDSOME DAVE"
THE JUDGE: I see.
THE JUDGE: IF THAT IS THE CASE, DAEREN...
THE JUDGE: WE SHALL GO STRAIGHT TO...
THE JUDGE: DELIBERATION.
Dr. Cogwerks/(Ooooooooooooh!!!!!) played sound tv-lawandorder.mid

THE JUDGE: ATTENTION.
John Mcgeegerton: FUCK
Cyborg Xi-69: HE HAS A FLAMETHROWER
John Fuckupson: What kind of court is this!?
THE JUDGE: Jurors, I need you to listen carefully. I want you to deliberate over whether Sundance Feely is guilty or not guilty of crimes against humanity + the Wizard Federation. You have two minutes. Once you have done that, PDA me GUILTY or NOT GUILTY for SUNDANCE FEELY'S FATE.
Chase Quentin: I propose we burn them both!!
Sundance Feely: come on guys
Alan Cowart: Wait how is this a crime against wizard federation, shouldn't it be vice versa?
Robot 534: Was this jury screened at all
Robot 534: They all seem to have murderous intent
THE JUDGE: It was screened by whether or not they were able to open the glass door.
Robot 534: How can either the defense or the prosecution in good faith accept this jury
Ric Flair: WOOOOOO

AquinASS the Dumb: I do not believe Anyone should be murdered
Alan Cowart: I believe a peaceful solution your honor would be to shave and humiliate sundance in return

THE JUDGE: Send in your final-- SUNDANCE FEELY, YOU AREN'T PERMITTED TO SUBMIT ME A MESSAGE
Sundance Feely grins.

THE JUDGE: ALRIGHT
THE JUDGE: HERE ARE THE RESULTS
Sundance Feely bites his nails
THE JUDGE: I have counted up the votes that are ACTUALLY valid and not from the defendants.
Walter White slaps Sundance Feely across the face! Ouch!
THE JUDGE: PLEASE LISTEN. SILENCE.
THE JUDGE: This is a Criminal Court. We are obeying the rules of a Criminal Court.
THE JUDGE: The results are in.
Shitty Bill burps.
John Fuckupson: Sundance is not the father (Whispered)

THE JUDGE: The jurors', after tallying the votes....
Ric Flair: prepare to riot
THE JUDGE: ...
THE JUDGE: THE VERDICT IS...
Boop Bot: GET ON WITH IT
THE JUDGE: NOT-GUILTY.

Dr. Cogwerks/(Ooooooooooooh!!!!!) played sound sadtrombone2.ogg

Ensign Daeren: YES
Ruben Wile: BULLSHIT
Oddball Rhinehart: BULLSHIT!
Chase Quentin: BULLSHIT
Frank Railway gasps.
Alan Cowart screams!
Cyborg Xi-69: Justice prevails
Ric Flair screams!
Jenny Chengling: WHAT THE HELL
John Mcgeegerton: FUCUCUUSAG
Ruben Wile: BULLSHIT
Alan Cowart: WOOOO
Erak Zolon (DEAD): RIOT!
Shitty Bill burps.
Jenny Chengling: THIS IS A SHAM
John Mcgeegerton: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Lance Scott (DEAD): WHAT THE FUCK!
Sundance Feely cheers!
Ruben Wile (as Isaac Price) screams!
THE JUDGE: AS THERE WAS NOT A UNANIMOUS VOTE OF GUILTY.
Sundance Feely: Hooray
Donald Keyes: This is an outrage!
Alan Cowart: WE'RE NOT GETTING SUED!
Chase Quentin: THIS TRIAL WAS A SHAM.
Alan Cowart: YAY!

Ensign Daeren: OH GOD
Cyborg Xi-69: FIRE
Luvenia Werry faints.
AquinASS the Dumb shrugs.
Lamar Hopkins screams!
Jenny Chengling screams!
John Mcgeegerton: THAT MEANS THE WIZARD WILL BE BURNED
Ruben Wile: B U L L S H I T
David Ryder: holy fuk
Sundance Feely: Oh god
Sailor Dave: BULLSHIT
John Fuckupson: OH YEAH! BURN THE WIZARD!
Sloan Collins: Ha ha
John Mcgeegerton: OH GOD
Frank Railway: THE JUDGE IS BRIBED!
THE JUDGE: ATTENTION
Sailor Dave: KILL
Ensign Daeren: CRIMINALS ARE BURNING THE DEFENDANT ALIVE
Sailor Dave: KILLLLLLL
Donald Keyes: I demand to see the votes!
John Mcgeegerton: OH GOD
Sundance Feely screams!
Ruben Wile: AHAHaHAHa
Robot 534: STOP THIS INSANITY
James Johnson: EVACUATE THE COURTROOM
Frank Railway: I DEMAND TO SEE THE JUDGE'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
Terry Swagger screams!
Jenny Chengling: FIRE
Jeremiah Riggle screams!
John Mcgeegerton (as Wiz Buster) screams!
Jenny Chengling screams!
Sundance Feely: LOOK WHAT YOUVE CAUSED JUDGE
Kiki Kolana: ; THIS IS SPACE LAW
Sundance Feely: LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE

Central Authority Update

Seriously, I counted the votes. Eight people voted guilty, but JAMES JOHNSON voted not-guilty. According to criminal law, even ONE non-guilty vote is enough to cause an upset.

James Johnson: You're welcome, folks.
Jenny Chengling: JAMES JOHNSON, YOU MASSIVE FUCKER
Ruben Wile: KILL THAT FUCKER
Cyborg Xi-69: :s James must be put in a safe place
Chase Quentin: James, you ruined EVERYTHING.
AquinASS the Dumb: MURDER
Donald Keyes: I contend there was bribery involved!
Scarecambot: NO CREWMEN WILL BE TREATED ANY DIFFERENTLY BASED ON THEIR VOTES
Sundance Feely screams!

Ensign Daeren: A VICTORY FOR JUSTICE
Kiki Kolana: RIOT
Ensign Daeren: MEDIC

Ric Flair: FUCK IT IM WRESTLING EVERYONE

quote:
John Fuckupson: Trial's over, time to die.
Ric Flair: RIOT
Kiki Kolana: RIOT
Ric Flair: RIOT
Mr. Shimbob: NUMBA 5 IS ALIVE
Don Gumbo: RIOT
Ruben Wile: ROT
Scarecambot: THIS STATION WILL HAVE ORDER!
Ric Flair: RIOT
Oddball Rhinehart:: RIOT!
Scarecambot: YOU ARE ALL HUMAN
Ric Flair: RIOT
Jenny Chengling: RIOT
Scarecambot: START ACTING LIKE IT
Ric Flair: WOOOOO!

And then the station ripped itself apart in an orgy of sectarian violence. The End.

I now hate the word 'quote'

[FishDance]

After attacking a guy with a derringer with my cyalume saber on an admin mess a-round, we were both bit by monkeys, and he got up before I could, stealing my saber. The following hilarity ensued. I played the role of Monkey (113).

Code:

monkey (113) chimpers, "Now we're both monkeys"
monkey (113) chimpers, "So I guess we're cool?"
You begin to recover.
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!
monkey (113) chimpers, "Or not"
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!
monkey (113) chimpers, "Why brother?"
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!
monkey (154) chimpers, "Fucker"
monkey (113) chimpers, "Turn it on, dunce"
monkey (154) chimpers, "It is on"
monkey (113) chimpers, "No its not"
monkey (154) chimpers, "I thought it was"
monkey (154) chimpers, "Fuck"
monkey (113) chimpers, "Dimb wit"
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!
the monkey (154) attacks the monkey (113) with the cyalume saber!

[ThoseDernSquirrels]

Devin Jowers: An Idiot, or An Author?

A documentary of his works

Devin Jowers: A riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma. Who was Devin Jowers? Some saw him as your ordinary space man, farting on others when need be, and not doing his job. But some saw him as a brilliant writer. After killing himself after being exposed to simethicone gas, people went to his alleyway box apartment to loot what little valuables he had. But one found these set of papers in the "used toilet paper" bin. Soon, the unknown man who got around to reading the papers realized what a genius this deceased man was, and gave it to his writing friend to finish it. Here, we have the original copy of the unfinished story.

Code:

The Story Outline:
an officer of the law is fighting syndicate invaders and is terribly wounded fighting them and loses both of his arms

the doctors save him but cannot recover his arms and must use the arms of a clown instead

he is turned into a clown himself thanks to the arms and must battle crimes with bananas and clowning around

the evil syndiates who escape come back for a finale scene where the officer must sacrafice himself to save the station and after his death all the people who hated him (which was everyone) realize what a great member of the team he was and they all miss him dearly

WRITEN BY DEVIN JOWERS

Code:

The unfinished, original script for the hit movie, "Honey, I Honked the Syndicates"
security officer: what a fine day to be serving the crew
janitor:hey officer, thanks for being so cool and the best
officer: no problem citizen it is all in a days work

*there is an explosion*

officer: oh no there are syndicate invaders!

syndicate invaders: HA HA HA WE ARE HERE TO CAUSE HAVOK

*they all shoot the officer and then cut off his arms*

syndicate invaders :HA HA HA WE WILL BE BACK

*doctors arrive on scene and heal up the officer*
doctor one: we cannot find his arms, they must have taken them with them
doctor two: we will have to use...THE CLOWN ARMS

*the doctors attach the clown arms to the officer*

officer: where am I..whats..HONK
doctor one: oh no he is a clown thats terrible!
doctor two: I hate him now forever

*the clown officer cries*

*there is another explosion*

janitor:OH NO THE SYNDICATE ARE BACK
clown: honk honk

*the clown throws bananas at the syndicates and they all slip and miss their rocket and blow themselves up but also the clown*

doctor one: he saved us all but at what p *The rest of the script was covered in some chili-night squirts and was unable to be read*

It breaks many a heart to realized we may never have a brilliant mind like the young Devin Jowers in this generation ever again.

[LunaticLawyer]

The changeling was Shambling Abomination (played by LunaticLawyer)
Absorbed DNA: 25
Objective #1: Absorb the DNA of at least 10 more crew members in addition to the one you started with, and escape on the shuttle alive.
Failed <-Ignore this
This was fun taking on around 7 people at once right around the start of the round, especially since Cogwerks played some fitting music. Apparently, at one point, deadchat exploded into tears as I escaped death by getting into a pod. That was my most fun changeling round ever.

[Conor12]

Apparently, at one point, deadchat exploded into tears as I escaped death by getting into a pod.

They sure did!

[Klayboxx]

The changeling was Shambling Abomination (played by LunaticLawyer)
Absorbed DNA: 25
Objective #1: Absorb the DNA of at least 10 more crew members in addition to the one you started with, and escape on the shuttle alive.
Failed <-Ignore this
This was fun taking on around 7 people at once right around the start of the round, especially since Cogwerks played some fitting music. Apparently, at one point, deadchat exploded into tears as I escaped death by getting into a pod. That was my most fun changeling round ever.

I didn't explode into tears but instead manic laughter as a fat naked dude with a shotgun shuffled to a pod running from a manic medical borg. Especially since you had just taken nearly two full shotguns and a full energy gun of shots and still managed to beat the snot of all of us.

[atomic1fire]

space wizard court words

That cracked me up so hard, wish I was there.

[LunaticLawyer]

I didn't explode into tears but instead manic laughter as a fat naked dude with a shotgun shuffled to a pod running from a manic medical borg. Especially since you had just taken nearly two full shotguns and a full energy gun of shots and still managed to beat the snot of all of us.

I'm glad at least someone managed to get a kick out of it. And yeah, Shambling is amazing. The only thing that can stop you are borgs, especially if they have patches that can radiate you like crazy.

[FishDance]

I went trick or treating by donning my Guardbuddy Costume, grabbing my trusty blue toolbox, and going from department to department either getting a treat or flashing people. I ended up with a very fine collection of wares:

Code:

Chocolate Chip Cookie
Implanter
Friend Revolver Sandwich
Cryoxadone Beaker
Nuke Disk
1200 Credits
Fire Fighting Grenade
Salbutamol pill
Handcuffs
Mutadone Pill Bottle
Weird Cheese
Earmuffs
Eyepatch
Spaced Rum
Moustrap
Flash
First-Aid Kit
Magnetic-Boots

Not sure who gave me the Nuke Disk, but hey, I'm not complaining!

[BadBlanket]

The changeling was Shambling Abomination (played by LunaticLawyer)
Absorbed DNA: 25
Objective #1: Absorb the DNA of at least 10 more crew members in addition to the one you started with, and escape on the shuttle alive.
Failed <-Ignore this
This was fun taking on around 7 people at once right around the start of the round, especially since Cogwerks played some fitting music. Apparently, at one point, deadchat exploded into tears as I escaped death by getting into a pod. That was my most fun changeling round ever.

I was the medic borg who kept feeding you mutagen patches. I didn't even want to get involved but law 2 set in. I was actually just passing through to get holy water when they started shouting at me to help. I was crying of laughter when you wobbled your fat ass to the pod. Unfortunately I had to leave after that encounter to do yard work, by the time I got back the killswitch was engaged. It was a good fight, though! I also loved when Cogwerks played the music and me and you just danced in front of each other.

[Tteckk]

This is what happens when you bored as the chef.

Code:

This is a  hotdog, flour, wish sandwich on plain bread and fried rolling pin sandwich on plain bread, sperghetti noodles sandwich on plain bread sandwich on plain bread sandwich on plain bread, raw bacon, raw bacon, and sperghetti noodles sandwich on plain bread, meatball, fried 200 Credits, and ice cream cone sandwich on plain bread, peanut butter, sperghetti noodles, fried plate, and raw bacon sandwich on plain bread, chocolate chips, and fried chef's uniform club on plain bread, lightly-fried salmon, sperghetti noodles, and fried salmon sandwich on plain bread, Extravagant Chocolate Gateau, and fried carp sandwich on plain bread and fried Zippo lighter sandwich on plain bread, lightly-fried milk-laced cigarette, and lightly-fried cheese-laced cigarette sandwich on plain bread, sperghetti noodles, and hotdog sandwich on plain bread, lightly-fried saltpetre-laced cigarette, and lightly-fried Pro Puffs sandwich on plain bread, hotdog, and monkeymeat sandwich on plain bread, fried carp, unpeeled banana, fine unpeeled banana, and lightly-fried fine synthbrain sandwich on plain bread. It is a tiny item.
A sandwich filled with hotdog, flour, wish sandwich on plain bread and fried rolling pin sandwich on plain bread, sperghetti noodles sandwich on plain bread sandwich on plain bread sandwich on plain bread, raw bacon, raw bacon, and sperghetti noodles sandwich on plain bread, meatball, fried 200 Credits, and ice cream cone sandwich on plain bread, peanut butter, sperghetti noodles, fried plate, and raw bacon sandwich on plain bread, chocolate chips, and fried chef's uniform club on plain bread, lightly-fried salmon, sperghetti noodles, and fried salmon sandwich on plain bread, Extravagant Chocolate Gateau, and fried carp sandwich on plain bread and fried Zippo lighter sandwich on plain bread, lightly-fried milk-laced cigarette, and lightly-fried cheese-laced cigarette sandwich on plain bread, sperghetti noodles, and hotdog sandwich on plain bread, lightly-fried saltpetre-laced cigarette, and lightly-fried Pro Puffs sandwich on plain bread, hotdog, and monkeymeat sandwich on plain bread, fried carp, unpeeled banana, fine unpeeled banana, and lightly-fried fine synthbrain.

Samwedgeception.