Monkeys are way too OP

[alexandregtg]

You can just control+click monkeys to pull them instead of grabbing them. That doesn't aggro them, and it allows you to get them into the freezer where they will suffocate without any risk. Or go ask the doctors for a few blinders, or put a blanket over them (those are easy to find on the crew quarters on any map). You can then do whatever you want

[DioChasek]

Another fun way to kill your monkey is bug the clown for some helium, go to the bar mix up harm lube and then set a glass table in a line directly in front of the vendor apply lube release monkey watch it fly into the glass table breaking it. See harm lube does have uses other than grief or in the engine.

[Splints]

My boring way of safely dealing with monkeys is to just leave them in the freezer for awhile. The cold air keeps pressure low enough for them to suffocate. When they start falling over in crit I go for the kill. Maybe not fast, but there is always plenty of other food to prep in the kitchen while the monkey is freezing.

[KikiMofo]

Use the knifes special move on the monkey so it starts bleeding heavily and then just run around for awhile till it starts passing out. Messy but it works

[fungicidal]

tank three punches to the head, beat it to death with a fire extinguisher. simple.


TWO monkeys, on the other hand...

[AGreywolfe]

All you have to do is embrace your inner WWE and dive on the monkeys from the top rope, or nearest chair. its a way to easily kill monkeys with no bloody mess, AND it provides entertainment for the people!

but you can easily take a monkey in a 1v1 fistfight, just keep punching until the screaming stops, both yours and theirs.

[DioChasek]

Similarly you can also spam table smash them for equally bloodless pwnage.

[ToxyNPoxy]

You get hurt and stunned if you step on glass shards without shoes.

Monkeys don't have shoes.

Until they pick up the glass shard and get absolutely brutal and make the install a red carpet in the kitchen. Good idea though lol I’m just jokin. Although if you do go this route make sure to place multiple pieces of glass so you don’t the monkey trips on the shard even after he picks one piece or two up off the ground

[Mouse]

In all seriousness, drag them to the freezer with pull.  (Ctrl-click or right click on the monkey and select pull, or click the pull button and select the monkey from the drop down list)  Then you grab them, move your cursor to the meat spike while pressing C to aggressively grab them, and click on the meat spike.  You should be able to do this before they take any actions beyond the initial scream.  If you're having trouble still click on the spike multiple times, click delay might apply.

[Kotlol]

Remember when we had BEEG MONKE?!
Good thing that's banned!