nerd hearts

[Density]

Now that I'm finally geek enough to make a poor suggestion on the forums, I feel like I need to do one better. This post consists of two standalone suggestions. The first part is probably easier to add, but the second part seems like it could be a good deal funner and funnier.

Real:
One of my fondest ss13 memories occurred in an action-packed 20 minute nuke round when my robust captain's heart began failing from a grisly fight. I ran around the station from medkit to medkit doing battle alongside my trusty crew and injecting all the epinephrine I could find along the way. I died several minutes later, but not before rallying and arming hordes of assistants, engineers, science and med-staff, who I believe were inspired by my bruce willis-like toughness. The station crew won the round by selflessly throwing themselves at syndicate operatives in a big melee below the teleporter room; the disk still secure in the bullet-ridden captain's backpack. (Give the captain a chapter banner or something to wave during nuke rounds holy hell.)

It'd be much more metal and fun if heart problems were to be death-sentences in ss13:
1. Make epinephrine deplete much faster, (rate of 2 maybe) but have a much higher chance of "fixing" heart problems. Ephedrine should lose its chance to fix heart problems. (Where did that even come from?) Atropine should stay as is because it's crippling enough to use.
2. Make heart problems permanent. If the heart ever starts hurting, heart attacks of increasing frequencies should occur until the round is over. It should get progressively worse, but be capped at a survivable, but crippling rate. (once a minute?)

It'd be sweet if there were a more masochistic and hardcore method of reviving the recently deceased:
1. Add robot heart as an item and make them robotics printable.
2. Add procedure to remove human heart and install robot heart into a viable corpse.
3. Make it so players can't remove hearts from the living to avoid conflicts with shrapnel/implant removal. (Add a message about how it'd be immoral to remove a heart from a living being as a joke if they try it.)
4. Make the robot heart recipient require Crank-style recharging every two minutes by kicking grilles/grabbing live wires/getting tased/baton'd/electropacked/defibrilated/door'd/zapped in any way. If the heart were to run out of charge, the heart should stop. (Cyborg charging stations shouldn't work because the heart doesn't come with a charging port. Duh.)
5. The heart shouldn't protect the recipient from burn damage, but it should give some quantity of stun resistance to make the condition more bearable.
6. Add power cells to defibrilators and electropacks and make them use large quantities of charges to prevent them from being overpowered.
7. Wonder whether or not a robot heart is capable of love.

I apologize if this was hard to read. I really need to stick to technical writing.

[Dabir]

injecting all the epinephrine I could find along the way. I died several minutes later

These two things might not be unrelated. Too much epi fucks you up.

[Marquesas]

injecting all the epinephrine I could find along the way. I died several minutes later

These two things might not be unrelated. Too much epi fucks you up.

Not to mention he didn't restart his own heart with a defib.

[Xenonia]

I want to be able to rip out and eat people's hearts.

And also be able to do that in SS13.

[Zamujasa]

Heart problems are already pretty much death sentences.

If you don't get some epinephrine (?) out of a medkit you'll die, even if you're back to 100% health. And a heart attack is already fatal within seconds (initropidil kills in what, 6 seconds sometimes?)

I can't imagine making it any worse would improve anything other than to make people dead more often.

[Captain_Bravo]

That being said, heart transplants would be fucking awesome. Medical needs some way to revive people, since Genetics, Robotics, and Chemistry all have their methods. Giving players hearts, making them degrade at a faster rate than brains, and allowing surgeons to swap them out would be baller-as-fuck.

You don't even need to add in a message preventing people from cutting hearts out, just make them start with a Saw. Saw > Scalpel > Saw > Scalpel > Saw to open the chest, cut away tendons, saw open the ribs, cut off capillaries, and then saw off the arteries. Take out someone's heart, stick a new one in, (Either harvested from a fresh corpse/staff assistant, artificially produced from robotics, or grown from Botany) Staple > Weld > Staple > Weld, and hit them with a defib to revive.

For super-duper fun times, also make it so you can stick a butt in someone's chest instead of a heart. They won't be able to revive, but when you shock them it makes a fart noise.

[Zamujasa]

Butts should work as hearts, but make the person fart whenever you punch them in the chest.

[Zadeon]

You should be able to put other items inside the person's chest along with a heart. Would make gimmicky things such as putting a beacon inside them then have people teleport to them or a pda and annoy the crap out of them by constantly messaging it. You could also do some traitorous activities (as a traitor) with this (put a bomb inside them and force them to do things or else they get it).

[Zamujasa]

putting a beacon inside them then have people teleport to them

Telescience already has these in the form of tracking implants

[Amuys]

The Monster from the Diner seems to instantly give anyone who eats it massive cardiac problems.

[Admiral jimbob]

I love the bit that takes after Crank. Please implement this in some form even if nothing else