Goonhub
09-01-2025, 12:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-05-2025, 02:35 AM by t0tino. Edited 2 times in total.
Edit Reason: itacilized a name that should have been.
)
Thinktronic BIOS V2.1
Initializing system...
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---
//--AUTO-TRANSCRIPTION FROM ROBOT HQ 94--//
Piper Boucquet
Hi guys, it's Piper. Apparently, I'm a radio host today, which I don't really know what or how to do, so I guess I'll introduce myself for anyone who doesn't know me, which is probably a lot of you.
Uhhh, I'm a recent transfer from UES - United Enterprise Services - you probably haven't heard of them because NanoTrasen tends to dominate the headlines here and most of UES' operations have migrated out of the solar system anyway.
One of those operations (which I'm legally allowed to talk about because I never signed an NDA) took place in the orbit of Petrichor V - Petrichor being the star and V being the planet's rotational order around it, Roman numerals, yadda yadda, we're all spessmen, we know.
After a pretty nasty fight with my parents, my dad, who I'm cool with now, sent me on a 4-year-round-trip to Petrichor V, which I found out he actually could do, at the time, since he was promoted up into UES' board of directors.
It was bullshitty, at first, but it was actually kind of nice. Get out there, see the stars, that kind of thing? I'd only ever been on Earth, and for everyone here that's from Earth, you know just how horrible it's been since the Helicon Refinery Disaster.
For those of you that AREN'T from Earth, the Helicon Refinery Disaster happened in 2041 because of... well, something went wrong on the Moon. Some company's plant, which I'm actually not legally allowed to say because there is a BIG popup on my PDA warning me not to say it, blew up and caused chunks to like, blow off of the moon and impact Earth.
This wouldn't be so bad if it just like, fell into the ocean, but it wiped out a BUNCH of Asia and all the dust and smoke and ash and whatever else it kicked up flew into the atmosphere, which started what's called an "impact winter", globally.
I remember where I was, at the time. That's when I lived in Texas - I grew up there. I was in my room doing homework - I was a sophomore in high school - and I was listening to Invisible, by Duran Duran, which, crazy they still made music like, 40 years after their heyday. It's SUCH a good song though.
Anyway, everything just... shook, for a few moments. It wasn't gradual at all. Just a violent shudder which kind of... reverberated away. And I was like, "wow, weird." It made a book fall off my desk, which, it was on the edge anyway, fair.
But I didn't realize just, the significance of that event until the weather started getting colder, and cloudier. I heard about it on the news; I started having to wear winter jackets to school in April, which is REALLY weird for Texas, 'cause it used to get up to like 80, maybe 90 degrees Fahrenheit even then... I don't know what that is in Kelvin, sorry.
ANYWAYS, uhh... well hey, I'm really off topic. I was talking about Petrichor V. It's a beautiful planet, at least from what I've seen. I only ever went down there once - the rest of the time was just the view from the Hydroponics Bay of the UES Pericynthion.
Buuut, I DO know someone a lot more well-versed than me to talk about it! Hold on, let me see if I still know his signal identifier...
Jimmy Powell
You've reached Hafgan Heavy Industries, Caer Sidi division. Jimmy Powell speaking, what can I do ya for?
Piper Boucquet
Oh, shoot. Uhhh, wrong identifier, buddy, sorry!
Jimmy Powell
Great. My wife divorces me, I scrape my pod against the hangar wall, I spill coffee all over the airlock, and the first radio transmission I get is - hold the fuck on, are you from NanoTr-
Piper Boucquet
...aaaand blocked. Sorry guys. Uhh, I was one digit off, I think. Gimme a moment while I nail this thing down; we're not calling anybody but the right person.
Okay, we're back. I've got it this time. Let's see here.
...gonna take a while; I have no idea if this thing interfaces with his handheld...
Donald Furthen
Donald Furthen, naturalist for the UES Pericynthion in conjuction with the UES Research and Documentation of Outer Life. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?
Piper Boucquet
Take a wild guess?
Donald Furthen
Mmmm... you wouldn't be the SpaceRacer grabbing my chow mein, are you?
Piper Boucquet
Dude, no... wait, you eat fast food? I thought you were like... a fop.
Donald Furthen
I'll have you know I'm a very busy man, and... wait, only one person has ever called me a fop to my face...
...Piper. Is that you?
Piper Boucquet
Guilty as charged!
Donald Furthen
Oh, dearie, it is SO good to hear from you! I've been truly put to task the last few months - sorting through the myriad of logs and samples from the expedition. I apologize for not calling first!
Piper Boucquet
No, it's cool. I've been busy too. Hey, also, we're on public radio. Is that cool?
Donald Furthen
Darling, I give seminars. I am more than qualified to address the public. But... which public?
Piper Boucquet
Oh, crap, that's right. I'm with NanoTrasen now. Can't give you the station name. My PDA is blowing big letters at me saying that's a 'violation of operational security'.
Donald Furthen
NanoTrasen? And I thought you more highbrow than that.
Piper Boucquet
Yeah? Hey, how long are voyages to the rimworlds again?
Donald Furthen
Well, four years, typically.
Piper Boucquet
And what do I have waiting for me in Texas?
Donald Furthen
Well, your parents, but that wouldn't matter if... oh, Piper, you've made up with your father, haven't you?
Piper Boucquet
I did!
Donald Furthen
Oh, that is just splendid! My heart soars for you. But we'll discuss that another time. Is there a reason you've called me, publicly?
Piper Boucquet
Did UES make you sign an NDA?
Donald Furthen
Depends. For technical information, yes, but I couldn't really speak to that, because, well, I work with 'aliens'. That's what you blue-collar types call the outer life, yes?
Piper Boucquet
Funnily enough, I haven't really heard the word alien around here! You'd think, right?
Donald Furthen
Fascinating... Well, as long as you don't ask me about secure topics or exact dates, I should be able to tell you. My job is literally to disseminate information! So ask away!
Piper Boucquet
Well, why don't you introduce yourself? BUT not the long-winded title. We heard that one already.
Donald Furthen
Well, hrm, yes. I do specify it a lot. Well, I am Donald Furthen; I work with UES. I am a naturalist by trade. I spend the majority of my time cataloguing the data I find. Occasionally I hold lectures or seminars about foreign species. VERY occasionally I also enjoy a good round of pickup basketball.
Piper Boucquet
You do?
Donald Furthen
Oh yes, the young fellows at the recreation center have taken quite a liking to me. "Uncle Donald", they call me. Apparently I achieved what they called a 'triple-double' the last time I played. They're good lads, really. I should call in upon them soon...
Piper Boucquet
Wow. You really do keep surprising me. As much as I'd love to hype up your game, though, I did call you to ask about Petrichor V.
Donald Furthen
Piper, my sister in corporate, you were there WITH me.
Piper Boucquet
...Donald, it's for the radio.
Donald Furthen
Ah, forgive my bluster. Well, Petrichor V, where to start... well, until the unfortunate situation with the UES Contact Light, no human had ever actually set foot there as far as we know. Wild, uncharted, and rife with beautiful, otherworldly flora and fauna, Petrichor V was simply put, the magnum opus of my expeditions across the universe.
Piper Boucquet
Didn't you say that the fauna was like, the most stressful part of your being there, though?
Donald Furthen
Well, yes, but what... hold on, did you transfer departments? I don't recall radio shows being a part of your botanical routine.
Piper Boucquet
...it's complicated with NanoTrasen. But yeah, I still work in Hydroponics a lot. What were you saying, though?
Donald Furthen
Well, what was the most stressful part of your job, again?
Piper Boucquet
Making sure the plants have enough nutrients and variety to... oh, I see your point.
Donald Furthen
The things we care the most about cause us the most problems, and the beauty of that... is that we're willing to solve those problems, because we love the things themselves.
Piper Boucquet
Is that a quote from the book I gave you?
Donald Furthen
Oh, but you know my love for literature.
Piper Boucquet
That I do. And speaking of, did you start writing that thing you were talking about? I'm being vague 'cause I don't know if you wanna drop the news yet.
Donald Furthen
"The Encyclopedia of Petrichor V: All You Need To Know About The Deadliest Planet"?
Piper Boucquet
I'd workshop that title.
Donald Furthen
It's a book that does not exist yet, Piper; I can call it whatever I please.
Piper Boucquet
You right, you right... uhhh, what was the most surprising thing you found out about the planet?
Donald Furthen
It was pretty disturbing to realize that quite literally every life form capable of locomotion was attempting to kill us.
Piper Boucquet
Aren't animals like, territorial?
Donald Furthen
It would be one thing if they were simply territorial. That was my hypothesis with the Beetles. But no. Everywhere you went, if you were in sight, you were being hunted. Which didn't apply to any other species on the planet. It was not total war. They were only after us.
Piper Boucquet
Why do you think that is?
Donald Furthen
Well... I have a theory. It is ridiculous to say, but, so are all theories at the time of their conception. What if they were under command? What if some will influenced them towards 'annihilating the creatures from the sky'?
Piper Boucquet
You're saying that... all these animals and things that were trying to kill you were being commanded by like, their god.
Donald Furthen
Yes! Exactly.
Piper Boucquet
That does sound kooky.
Donald Furthen
Does it? The UES Contact Light, pulled off-course and destroyed. Teleporters from the surface of the planet found in its cargo hold. A figure wielding the power of two gigantic worms, devastating the bridge. Does it not sound like deliberate sabotage?
Piper Boucquet
Pahaha!
Donald Furthen
What's so funny?
Piper Boucquet
Giant worms? "Oh no, the big worm is inching slowly towards us, better run away"?
Donald Furthen
...And upon a great serpent, the hero did ride. Majesty and respect were his command, and so too his steed. A mighty creature, born of lightning and flame, bathing all in its presence in a magnificent blue glow.
The beast stretched from one horizon to the next and belched storms that reminded all of the hero’s promise: that this land – and all those who live here - would never suffer again...
Piper Boucquet
What?
Donald Furthen
...Galactic Fables, Volume IX. The point is, Piper, is that the Contact Light was lured in and destroyed.
Piper Boucquet
Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be laughing...
Donald Furthen
I realize that giant worms DOES sound outlandish, mind you, but... well, Petrichor V is another beast entirely.
Piper Boucquet
Why do you know all that stuff about it, by the way? Isn't that classified? Should you even be talking about it?
Donald Furthen
Oh, come on, no one at NanoTrasen speaks to any UES employees. Furthermore, it was widely disseminated after the Pericynthion's return. They're discussing the production of a movie.
Piper Boucquet
You can't be serious.
Donald Furthen
Oh, yes, it'll be marvelous. They're thinking of casting Henry Cavill as the Captain.
Piper Boucquet
Isn't he like, 70 now?
Donald Furthen
Well, yes, but he's still got it, hasn't he?
Piper Boucquet
I'll say.
Donald Furthen
Anyhow, Piper. It has been so lovely doing this with you, but I have a lecture regarding the Lemurians in about thirty minutes and... oh, my chow mein! It's been at my doorstep for ages. Confound it!
Piper Boucquet
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Donald Furthen
Pah, don't worry about it. I'll eat it on the way there. Those insulated bags they've got are quite nifty... well, ta-ta, darling! And thank you, NanoTrasen, for listening to an old man prattle away.
Piper Boucquet
You're like, 50-something.
Donald Furthen
And my knees tell me I'm older every time I stand up. Farewell!
Piper Boucquet
Well, that was pretty interesting! At least to me. I know it's all just drama from another galaxy to you guys, but for the guy waiting for his loaf to finish loafing, or the staffie waiting for his Donk pocket to heat up... I hope you enjoyed this radio hour. I'm Piper Boucquet, and you've been listening to, uhh... Boucquet's Broadcast! Is that catchy? I dunno. See you guys onstation!
[ADMINISTRATOR NOTE]
This transcription was automatically flagged for mention of sensitive information over communications in addition to the contacting of a known Syndicate affiliate. Fortunately, said named employee (SNE hereafter) was smart enough to look at her personal device and censor herself. Mitigating circumstance aside, the main conversers have severe issues in the practice of operational security. Recommending SNE for negative counseling from her handler at CentCom and an extension of the new-hire probationary period, in addition to the completion of an OPSEC course to be taken over the span of a month.
It is apparent that SNE and affiliates possess valuable knowledge of a competitor, as surmised during the hiring process. Following this addendum, an assistant will be assigned to compiling a dossier on all information gained about United Enterprise Services, preferably one with sufficient DWAINE knowledge.
Piper Boucquet is going to make us a lot of money.
--XENON
2053.09.01
Hey guys! Just putting some context down here.
Piper Boucquet is my character whose backstory is very intertwined with Risk of Rain lore, as I'm sure you've heard me blabbering in the Discord about. I've done my homework for sure on this one. The timelines even mostly match up or are at least plausible. It was hard fitting a company with so many resources in the same field as NT, but I think I've abdicated UES' presence in the Earth sector enough in favor of NT to make things still make sense.
As for why this exists, I actually wanted to do a radio show involving her backstory just so I could show it off a little bit, so I wrote this script after I got home from work. Using the voice synthesizer, I was able to pretty successfully put it into action and meld it rather seamlessly into the conversation. It went a little off-kilter at points, because I added a few lines to adapt Donald hearing the chatter from the radio (public frequency) and so he was amused by NT's humor and hijinks, from marveling at the AI spouting fun facts to questioning if Lemon Cake really smelled so bad as to have the whole crew bully her.
Formatting it took a couple of hours. I knew copying and pasting it just wouldn't cut it - it looked so bland. So I took the time, added some flavor like the ThinkTronic stuff and the administrator note. If you've played it, the dialogue presentation was directly inspired by Mouthwashing, which inspired another character I played some time ago - Katy Curly, who has since mysteriously disappeared.
I've really enjoyed playing Piper Boucquet so far and intend to keep doing so! I'll probably continue posting blurbs every now and then, and maybe even draw her if I find the motivation. I hope to flesh her out more as time goes on.
References:
Donald Furthen (originally D. Furthen) is a character extrapolated from Risk of Rain 2 Monster logs.
Additionally, the UES Pericynthion assumes the place of the UES [Redacted], the name inspired by Apollo 13's record set of being the furthest crewed spacecraft from Earth: 400,171 kilometers (248,655 mi), which took place at pericynthion - their closest approach to the moon.
Donald Furthen's response to the "giant worms" comment is directly lifted from the lore entry for the Overloading Worm.
Lore information about the Helicon Refinery Disaster was surmised by reading a bit of this page and a bit of this one.
Petrichor V is the main setting of the Risk of Rain series of games.
Initializing system...
Loading ThinkDOS 0.7.2
Scanning for peripheral cards...
Preparing file system...
---
//--AUTO-TRANSCRIPTION FROM ROBOT HQ 94--//
Piper Boucquet
Hi guys, it's Piper. Apparently, I'm a radio host today, which I don't really know what or how to do, so I guess I'll introduce myself for anyone who doesn't know me, which is probably a lot of you.
Uhhh, I'm a recent transfer from UES - United Enterprise Services - you probably haven't heard of them because NanoTrasen tends to dominate the headlines here and most of UES' operations have migrated out of the solar system anyway.
One of those operations (which I'm legally allowed to talk about because I never signed an NDA) took place in the orbit of Petrichor V - Petrichor being the star and V being the planet's rotational order around it, Roman numerals, yadda yadda, we're all spessmen, we know.
After a pretty nasty fight with my parents, my dad, who I'm cool with now, sent me on a 4-year-round-trip to Petrichor V, which I found out he actually could do, at the time, since he was promoted up into UES' board of directors.
It was bullshitty, at first, but it was actually kind of nice. Get out there, see the stars, that kind of thing? I'd only ever been on Earth, and for everyone here that's from Earth, you know just how horrible it's been since the Helicon Refinery Disaster.
For those of you that AREN'T from Earth, the Helicon Refinery Disaster happened in 2041 because of... well, something went wrong on the Moon. Some company's plant, which I'm actually not legally allowed to say because there is a BIG popup on my PDA warning me not to say it, blew up and caused chunks to like, blow off of the moon and impact Earth.
This wouldn't be so bad if it just like, fell into the ocean, but it wiped out a BUNCH of Asia and all the dust and smoke and ash and whatever else it kicked up flew into the atmosphere, which started what's called an "impact winter", globally.
I remember where I was, at the time. That's when I lived in Texas - I grew up there. I was in my room doing homework - I was a sophomore in high school - and I was listening to Invisible, by Duran Duran, which, crazy they still made music like, 40 years after their heyday. It's SUCH a good song though.
Anyway, everything just... shook, for a few moments. It wasn't gradual at all. Just a violent shudder which kind of... reverberated away. And I was like, "wow, weird." It made a book fall off my desk, which, it was on the edge anyway, fair.
But I didn't realize just, the significance of that event until the weather started getting colder, and cloudier. I heard about it on the news; I started having to wear winter jackets to school in April, which is REALLY weird for Texas, 'cause it used to get up to like 80, maybe 90 degrees Fahrenheit even then... I don't know what that is in Kelvin, sorry.
ANYWAYS, uhh... well hey, I'm really off topic. I was talking about Petrichor V. It's a beautiful planet, at least from what I've seen. I only ever went down there once - the rest of the time was just the view from the Hydroponics Bay of the UES Pericynthion.
Buuut, I DO know someone a lot more well-versed than me to talk about it! Hold on, let me see if I still know his signal identifier...
Jimmy Powell
You've reached Hafgan Heavy Industries, Caer Sidi division. Jimmy Powell speaking, what can I do ya for?
Piper Boucquet
Oh, shoot. Uhhh, wrong identifier, buddy, sorry!
Jimmy Powell
Great. My wife divorces me, I scrape my pod against the hangar wall, I spill coffee all over the airlock, and the first radio transmission I get is - hold the fuck on, are you from NanoTr-
Piper Boucquet
...aaaand blocked. Sorry guys. Uhh, I was one digit off, I think. Gimme a moment while I nail this thing down; we're not calling anybody but the right person.
Okay, we're back. I've got it this time. Let's see here.
...gonna take a while; I have no idea if this thing interfaces with his handheld...
Donald Furthen
Donald Furthen, naturalist for the UES Pericynthion in conjuction with the UES Research and Documentation of Outer Life. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?
Piper Boucquet
Take a wild guess?
Donald Furthen
Mmmm... you wouldn't be the SpaceRacer grabbing my chow mein, are you?
Piper Boucquet
Dude, no... wait, you eat fast food? I thought you were like... a fop.
Donald Furthen
I'll have you know I'm a very busy man, and... wait, only one person has ever called me a fop to my face...
...Piper. Is that you?
Piper Boucquet
Guilty as charged!
Donald Furthen
Oh, dearie, it is SO good to hear from you! I've been truly put to task the last few months - sorting through the myriad of logs and samples from the expedition. I apologize for not calling first!
Piper Boucquet
No, it's cool. I've been busy too. Hey, also, we're on public radio. Is that cool?
Donald Furthen
Darling, I give seminars. I am more than qualified to address the public. But... which public?
Piper Boucquet
Oh, crap, that's right. I'm with NanoTrasen now. Can't give you the station name. My PDA is blowing big letters at me saying that's a 'violation of operational security'.
Donald Furthen
NanoTrasen? And I thought you more highbrow than that.
Piper Boucquet
Yeah? Hey, how long are voyages to the rimworlds again?
Donald Furthen
Well, four years, typically.
Piper Boucquet
And what do I have waiting for me in Texas?
Donald Furthen
Well, your parents, but that wouldn't matter if... oh, Piper, you've made up with your father, haven't you?
Piper Boucquet
I did!
Donald Furthen
Oh, that is just splendid! My heart soars for you. But we'll discuss that another time. Is there a reason you've called me, publicly?
Piper Boucquet
Did UES make you sign an NDA?
Donald Furthen
Depends. For technical information, yes, but I couldn't really speak to that, because, well, I work with 'aliens'. That's what you blue-collar types call the outer life, yes?
Piper Boucquet
Funnily enough, I haven't really heard the word alien around here! You'd think, right?
Donald Furthen
Fascinating... Well, as long as you don't ask me about secure topics or exact dates, I should be able to tell you. My job is literally to disseminate information! So ask away!
Piper Boucquet
Well, why don't you introduce yourself? BUT not the long-winded title. We heard that one already.
Donald Furthen
Well, hrm, yes. I do specify it a lot. Well, I am Donald Furthen; I work with UES. I am a naturalist by trade. I spend the majority of my time cataloguing the data I find. Occasionally I hold lectures or seminars about foreign species. VERY occasionally I also enjoy a good round of pickup basketball.
Piper Boucquet
You do?
Donald Furthen
Oh yes, the young fellows at the recreation center have taken quite a liking to me. "Uncle Donald", they call me. Apparently I achieved what they called a 'triple-double' the last time I played. They're good lads, really. I should call in upon them soon...
Piper Boucquet
Wow. You really do keep surprising me. As much as I'd love to hype up your game, though, I did call you to ask about Petrichor V.
Donald Furthen
Piper, my sister in corporate, you were there WITH me.
Piper Boucquet
...Donald, it's for the radio.
Donald Furthen
Ah, forgive my bluster. Well, Petrichor V, where to start... well, until the unfortunate situation with the UES Contact Light, no human had ever actually set foot there as far as we know. Wild, uncharted, and rife with beautiful, otherworldly flora and fauna, Petrichor V was simply put, the magnum opus of my expeditions across the universe.
Piper Boucquet
Didn't you say that the fauna was like, the most stressful part of your being there, though?
Donald Furthen
Well, yes, but what... hold on, did you transfer departments? I don't recall radio shows being a part of your botanical routine.
Piper Boucquet
...it's complicated with NanoTrasen. But yeah, I still work in Hydroponics a lot. What were you saying, though?
Donald Furthen
Well, what was the most stressful part of your job, again?
Piper Boucquet
Making sure the plants have enough nutrients and variety to... oh, I see your point.
Donald Furthen
The things we care the most about cause us the most problems, and the beauty of that... is that we're willing to solve those problems, because we love the things themselves.
Piper Boucquet
Is that a quote from the book I gave you?
Donald Furthen
Oh, but you know my love for literature.
Piper Boucquet
That I do. And speaking of, did you start writing that thing you were talking about? I'm being vague 'cause I don't know if you wanna drop the news yet.
Donald Furthen
"The Encyclopedia of Petrichor V: All You Need To Know About The Deadliest Planet"?
Piper Boucquet
I'd workshop that title.
Donald Furthen
It's a book that does not exist yet, Piper; I can call it whatever I please.
Piper Boucquet
You right, you right... uhhh, what was the most surprising thing you found out about the planet?
Donald Furthen
It was pretty disturbing to realize that quite literally every life form capable of locomotion was attempting to kill us.
Piper Boucquet
Aren't animals like, territorial?
Donald Furthen
It would be one thing if they were simply territorial. That was my hypothesis with the Beetles. But no. Everywhere you went, if you were in sight, you were being hunted. Which didn't apply to any other species on the planet. It was not total war. They were only after us.
Piper Boucquet
Why do you think that is?
Donald Furthen
Well... I have a theory. It is ridiculous to say, but, so are all theories at the time of their conception. What if they were under command? What if some will influenced them towards 'annihilating the creatures from the sky'?
Piper Boucquet
You're saying that... all these animals and things that were trying to kill you were being commanded by like, their god.
Donald Furthen
Yes! Exactly.
Piper Boucquet
That does sound kooky.
Donald Furthen
Does it? The UES Contact Light, pulled off-course and destroyed. Teleporters from the surface of the planet found in its cargo hold. A figure wielding the power of two gigantic worms, devastating the bridge. Does it not sound like deliberate sabotage?
Piper Boucquet
Pahaha!
Donald Furthen
What's so funny?
Piper Boucquet
Giant worms? "Oh no, the big worm is inching slowly towards us, better run away"?
Donald Furthen
...And upon a great serpent, the hero did ride. Majesty and respect were his command, and so too his steed. A mighty creature, born of lightning and flame, bathing all in its presence in a magnificent blue glow.
The beast stretched from one horizon to the next and belched storms that reminded all of the hero’s promise: that this land – and all those who live here - would never suffer again...
Piper Boucquet
What?
Donald Furthen
...Galactic Fables, Volume IX. The point is, Piper, is that the Contact Light was lured in and destroyed.
Piper Boucquet
Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be laughing...
Donald Furthen
I realize that giant worms DOES sound outlandish, mind you, but... well, Petrichor V is another beast entirely.
Piper Boucquet
Why do you know all that stuff about it, by the way? Isn't that classified? Should you even be talking about it?
Donald Furthen
Oh, come on, no one at NanoTrasen speaks to any UES employees. Furthermore, it was widely disseminated after the Pericynthion's return. They're discussing the production of a movie.
Piper Boucquet
You can't be serious.
Donald Furthen
Oh, yes, it'll be marvelous. They're thinking of casting Henry Cavill as the Captain.
Piper Boucquet
Isn't he like, 70 now?
Donald Furthen
Well, yes, but he's still got it, hasn't he?
Piper Boucquet
I'll say.
Donald Furthen
Anyhow, Piper. It has been so lovely doing this with you, but I have a lecture regarding the Lemurians in about thirty minutes and... oh, my chow mein! It's been at my doorstep for ages. Confound it!
Piper Boucquet
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Donald Furthen
Pah, don't worry about it. I'll eat it on the way there. Those insulated bags they've got are quite nifty... well, ta-ta, darling! And thank you, NanoTrasen, for listening to an old man prattle away.
Piper Boucquet
You're like, 50-something.
Donald Furthen
And my knees tell me I'm older every time I stand up. Farewell!
Piper Boucquet
Well, that was pretty interesting! At least to me. I know it's all just drama from another galaxy to you guys, but for the guy waiting for his loaf to finish loafing, or the staffie waiting for his Donk pocket to heat up... I hope you enjoyed this radio hour. I'm Piper Boucquet, and you've been listening to, uhh... Boucquet's Broadcast! Is that catchy? I dunno. See you guys onstation!
[ADMINISTRATOR NOTE]
This transcription was automatically flagged for mention of sensitive information over communications in addition to the contacting of a known Syndicate affiliate. Fortunately, said named employee (SNE hereafter) was smart enough to look at her personal device and censor herself. Mitigating circumstance aside, the main conversers have severe issues in the practice of operational security. Recommending SNE for negative counseling from her handler at CentCom and an extension of the new-hire probationary period, in addition to the completion of an OPSEC course to be taken over the span of a month.
It is apparent that SNE and affiliates possess valuable knowledge of a competitor, as surmised during the hiring process. Following this addendum, an assistant will be assigned to compiling a dossier on all information gained about United Enterprise Services, preferably one with sufficient DWAINE knowledge.
Piper Boucquet is going to make us a lot of money.
--XENON
2053.09.01
Hey guys! Just putting some context down here.
Piper Boucquet is my character whose backstory is very intertwined with Risk of Rain lore, as I'm sure you've heard me blabbering in the Discord about. I've done my homework for sure on this one. The timelines even mostly match up or are at least plausible. It was hard fitting a company with so many resources in the same field as NT, but I think I've abdicated UES' presence in the Earth sector enough in favor of NT to make things still make sense.
As for why this exists, I actually wanted to do a radio show involving her backstory just so I could show it off a little bit, so I wrote this script after I got home from work. Using the voice synthesizer, I was able to pretty successfully put it into action and meld it rather seamlessly into the conversation. It went a little off-kilter at points, because I added a few lines to adapt Donald hearing the chatter from the radio (public frequency) and so he was amused by NT's humor and hijinks, from marveling at the AI spouting fun facts to questioning if Lemon Cake really smelled so bad as to have the whole crew bully her.
Formatting it took a couple of hours. I knew copying and pasting it just wouldn't cut it - it looked so bland. So I took the time, added some flavor like the ThinkTronic stuff and the administrator note. If you've played it, the dialogue presentation was directly inspired by Mouthwashing, which inspired another character I played some time ago - Katy Curly, who has since mysteriously disappeared.
I've really enjoyed playing Piper Boucquet so far and intend to keep doing so! I'll probably continue posting blurbs every now and then, and maybe even draw her if I find the motivation. I hope to flesh her out more as time goes on.
References:
Donald Furthen (originally D. Furthen) is a character extrapolated from Risk of Rain 2 Monster logs.
Additionally, the UES Pericynthion assumes the place of the UES [Redacted], the name inspired by Apollo 13's record set of being the furthest crewed spacecraft from Earth: 400,171 kilometers (248,655 mi), which took place at pericynthion - their closest approach to the moon.
Donald Furthen's response to the "giant worms" comment is directly lifted from the lore entry for the Overloading Worm.
Lore information about the Helicon Refinery Disaster was surmised by reading a bit of this page and a bit of this one.
Petrichor V is the main setting of the Risk of Rain series of games.