'twas the night before Spacemas - Printable Version +- Goonstation Forums (https://forum.ss13.co) +-- Forum: Discussion (https://forum.ss13.co/forumdisplay.php?fid=6) +--- Forum: General Discussion (https://forum.ss13.co/forumdisplay.php?fid=7) +--- Thread: 'twas the night before Spacemas (/showthread.php?tid=287)

'twas the night before Spacemas - MollyMillions - 12-10-2012 Twas the night before Spacemas, and all through the station Scuttled various employees of the Nanotrasen Corporation Assistants clustered around ATMs with care In hopes that their paychecks soon would be there. The engineers were a-bustle 'round an engine still cold, While research endeavored to turn lead into gold. And the HoP in a helmet, the HoS in a cap, Had settled on the bridge to smoke joints with the cap(tain). When out on the solars there arose such a clatter that nobody heard, 'cause sound travels only through matter. Had they gone to the windows, their guns well in hand, They might have seen, and stopped, the red-suited man. The engine sprang to live with a disastrous roar, Sucking up walls, grilles, windows, and floors, When what should my camera so easily record, But a laughing masked man, a syndicate saboteur. In the chapel, a simultaneous scene fascinated, I saw the chaplain stung, felled, eviscerated. The proboscis that drained from his body all liquid, came from a changeling, a creature vile and wicked "All Personnel please report to medbay for ass inspection." I intoned with emotionless metallic inflection. The crew was uncaring, at best, in dissaray Confused as I chanted "Ass day. Ass day." The station fell fast into further trouble, When martians showed up inside the cargo shuttle. The brave and the curious met with their deaths, So security fled alongside all the rest. And then a thing happened I still don't understand, The changeling spit acid at the red-suited man. The two began a duel that led them up hallways and down, And nearly took the life of one innocent clown. More operatives showed up, just a few, most had died, Leaping into space with air masks left inside. The survivors brought weapons slung on their backs, One had all four bombs, the other, a crowbar in his pack. How violent the conflict, my eyes danced with jubilation! Those three syndicate clones faced a shambling abomination! He gargled some nonesense my translators don't understand but I take it to mean "Peace in space, goodwill toward man." I cordoned off the attackers by electrifying doors Shocking several crewmen, and killing a few more. Those who could fight began to come out of their holes, Believing themselves to be valiant and bold. And the funniest thing happened on that special night, The RD emerged, with his eyes alight! He charged in to battle with a bomb in his hand, Into a shocked airlock that quite ruined his plans. The blast cleared the way for the changling to win, and to absorb all the corpses and store them within. The creature never suspected the approaching singularity, That swallowed him whole and quite outdid his barbarity! The shuttle was called by whom I don't know, it's a record my database for some reason won't show. Past vacuum and martians and worse things they ran And packed into the shuttle like sardines in a can. The crew whined bitterly as they sped back to CentCom That I had broken my laws, or that I had done wrong. But they heard me explain as the shuttle touched down, "4) There is only one human, and he is the clown." Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - Winged_Chiller - 12-10-2012 I laughed, I cried. It changed my life. Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - Oddball - 12-10-2012 woop woop nerd alert woop woop Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - FrontlineAcrobat4 - 12-10-2012 I am upset there was no mention of a clown throwing banana grenades everywhere while the cyborgs murder everyone.Otherwise i liked it. Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - atomic1fire - 12-10-2012 Jingle Bells, Captain smells, The station aint okay. I slipped on the floor and broke my neck, THE JANITOR MUST PAY. Jingle Bells, Wizard spells, Where did HOP go today? Securities harmbatoning me and traitors got away. The bar has got a glow, a flaming plasma glow, the clown is sufficating and it's really quite a show. Security is mad, the syndicates are bad. Why did they send us all to space there's no fun to be had. HEY Jingle Bells, Captain smells, The station aint okay. I slipped on the floor and broke my neck, THE JANITOR MUST PAY. Jingle Bells, Wizard spells, Where did HOP go today? Securities harmbatoning me and traitors got away. HONK Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - FrontlineAcrobat4 - 12-14-2012 T'was the night before Spacemas and my true love gave to me: 12 Bloody Toolboxes, 11 Pubbies crying, 10 Joints of weed, 9 Rotting Corpses, 8 Empty Tasers, 7 Guardbuddies, 6 Rideable Cats, 5 MACHO MEN! 4 Crying Cluwnes, 3 Seal steaks, 2 HoS Berets, And an Owl on a Spacemas Tree! please dont hate me Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - ISaidNo - 12-15-2012 Hungry the Singularity, Was a really bad blue thing And if you ever saw it, you'd say "WHO RELEASED THE SING". All of the other engines used to work and were real fun. But sadly that all got torn down When old Mport's work was done. It only took one upload, The old engine went away: The engineers all cried out in woe, "Holy shit this is gonna blow!" Now the yellowsuits are depressed the CE's gonna suicide, You damn shitty singularity, This engine I just can't abide! Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - Klayboxx - 12-15-2012 Rudolf the red-nosed pubbie Had a very shiny toolbox! And if you ever saw it, You'd swear it were coated in blood. All of the other crew-mates, Used to laugh and call him names! They never let poor Rudolf Play in any space games! Then one foggy spacemas eve a syndie came to say, Rudolf with your toolbox so red, wont you join our crew instead. Then all the crew-men fled from him As he shouted out with glee (yippee!) Rudolf the red-nosed pubbie, You'll go down in infamy! Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - Rahky - 12-16-2012 Changelings roasting on an open fire Chaplain flicking off the switch Drinking carols being sung by Ol' Harner, And folks dressed up like astronauts, Look at those buttbots! Some Bo Jack Daniel's and some weed Help relieve the shift of strife Eager traitors with their PDAs stowed Look forward to their reign of grife Out from the fuss, the admin comes He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his bus And every head alive is gonna cry To see a clown who really knows how to drive And so I'm offering this simple phrase And no, it's not "Stow your batons!" Although it's been said, many times many ways, "!adminhelp plz ban he" They know the Wizard's here to stay He's sending butts and cluwnes and golems down your way And while Security is in the bar The Captain's out floating among the stars Even though in space no one hears you scream "Why's there no poo in the latrine?" I know it's been said, many times, many ways "!adminhelp plz !adminhelp pls !adminhelp plx baaaan heeeee" Re: 'twas the night before Spacemas - leonheart11 - 12-17-2012 There are strange things done When you drink spaced rum Near the men who try to poo The station trails have their secret tales That would give you all space flu The fluorescent lights have seen odd sights That may seem like LSD Like the night on the ridge of the station bridge I cremated Pubbie McGee.