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+---- Thread: Peak Sawfly Comedy (/showthread.php?tid=21671)
Peak Sawfly Comedy - Dhaidburt - 08-12-2023
There I was, looking to just goof around as a staffy since I was latejoining on goon3. Maybe drink some, maybe get high, maybe just sit in the nadir slums eating candy, who knows.
Then I get that rare popup: You are a Traitor. Well uh.. guess I gotta do more than just be a drunkard then. But what?
It takes me a bit, but I get my idea and gather my tools. Break into the janitors office with a couple of nearby tools, steal some mousetraps, and replace the glass. Flawless. Dumping the sawfly remotes into a toilet was the easy part, but next came the hard part: How do you get security to search you? Oh right, have something dangerous.
Predator revolver in backpack, I stroll to find a victim. Ah, botany's throwing banana peels, perfect! I trip, start acting mad and try and storm my way in, murder weapon in hand. I'm immediately peeled.
My murder attempt dashed, my pistol thrown in the garbage, I flail my way to disposals to get it back, certain that security is hot on my trail! I nab the revolver in time, but there's security right there, tasers drawn. I try to make my escape, prize in hand, but the halls are narrow and I'm an easy target. I go down without firing a single round.
Pitifully, I'm dragged back to security in cuffs. They obviously need to go through my bags because that's a big fucking gun, though the mood is light because I've been so incompetent so far. All according to plan. They reach into my backpack..
SNAP
The first mousetrap in my backpack goes off, the attached sawfly is released. Panic occurs as someone is cut to ribbons while I'm laughing on the floor, cuffed up. It's destroyed, the search resumes with security assuming there was only the one. Because of course, right?
SNAP
The second sawfly is released. Bewilderment and further injuries occur, a security officer is bleeding out while I'm WHEEZING on the floor, and the officer, covered in blood and cuts, threatens me that if there's another one I'm going in the ocean. I say no.
SNAP
The final sawfly is released. The enraged security officer's attempt on my life is cut short by blood loss, and I'm left on the floor dying from laughter. While they're being treated, I'm temporarily stuffed in the portabrig as the shuttle is arriving shortly and technically I've killed nobody. I joke that I can't wait to recount the case to the judge.
However, another threat takes advantage of the situation and opens fire on security, and the one thing that all pranksters dread happens: I'm forgotten. Left to reflect on my actions and rot in an abandoned station under an acidic ocean with no means of escape.
Worth it.