This is Horatio Jiggles. 

*---------*
Horatio Jiggles is wearing a security uniform.
Horatio Jiggles has an armor vest on.
Horatio Jiggles has a Security Headset by his mouth.
Horatio Jiggles has a helmet on his head.
Horatio Jiggles has a Security HUD on his face.
Horatio Jiggles has a handcuffs in his right hand.
Horatio Jiggles has PDA-Horatio Jiggles on his belt.
Horatio Jiggles has brown shoes on his feet.
Horatio Jiggles has a backpack on his back.
Horatio Jiggles is wearing Horatio Jiggles's ID Card (Security Officer).
*---------*

Felix Dangers (as Filix Domgirs) waves.
Horatio Jiggles says, "wanna see something cool"
Travis Ronick [145.9] says, "WHERE THE HECK AM I GOING"
Horatio Jiggles salutes.
The soda machine beeps, "The taste of nature!"
Felix Dangers (as Filix Domgirs) says, "I mean, yes."
Horatio Jiggles says, "watch close"
Elwood Agg is the Chief Engineer!
Felix Dangers (as Filix Domgirs) says, "Although it makes me nervous."

Horatio Jiggles jams one end of the handcuffs into one of his eye sockets, closing the loop through the other!
Horatio Jiggles screams!
Horatio Jiggles yanks the other end of the handcuffs as hard as he can, ripping his skull clean out of his head! Holy shit!
You feel ill from watching that. Thanks, Horatio Jiggles.
Montgommery Scott pukes all over himself. Thanks, Horatio Jiggles.
Horatio Jiggles's brain falls out of the bottom of Horatio Jiggles's skull.
 *beep*
Horatio Jiggles seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
Horatio Jiggles's head collapses into a useless pile of skin mush with no skull to keep it in its proper shape!

Montgommery Scott says, "Ids please"

Sov was a mad bomber who was hell bent on liberating the crew from their PDAs. He taunted me with the detomax code at one point and it led to a great battle at the radio station.

I asked Sov to fight me one on one and he showed up armed to the teeth. My plan was to hide in the locker in the radio station's pod bay and lure him into the broadcasting room so I could lock the door behind him and laugh at him through the glass; however, it was foiled when a mysterious bystander appeared alongside Sov. They battled to the death, firing lasers and phasers wildly throughout the pod bay. Sov bested his masked enemy and attempted to hide the body in the locker I was in! I hopped out as he opened the lovker and blasted him with a taser, stunning him. I stripped his mask and threw him into the cold vacuum of space.

It wasn't enough. He redoubled his efforts and came back with a pod too large to fit into the bay. I made the mistake of hiding in a smaller pod that he attempted to move. My cover was blown so I lept out only to take a radbow shot to the chest. I went down and Sov was nice enough to tuck me into bed while he stripped me down to nothing. When I woke up and made a dash for my pistol he drew first, shooting himself in the face with a laser until he died and his macrobomb detonated: blowing viscera and body parts everywhere. A gruesome end.

The very cool shotgunbill was surely impressed by my transcendent skateboarding skills earlier in the night and granted me the ultimate power: omnitrator status as a monkey. I was completely overwhelmed by all of the powers at my disposal and proceeded to mindslave three other people who I then turned into monkeys as well.

We had some laughs, I shrunk some hearts, and everyone else died. The round ended with my three monkey mindslaves gathered around me on the shuttle. I shrank the heart of one who displeased me and forced the remaining two to fight to the death. I rewarded the victor by letting him live and join my at Centcomm for ice cream.

Miracle (youkcat, I believe) was openly challenging any of the crew to take her on in the ring. I, Stan Beezlebub, took her up on the challenge. It was a tense first bout, with blows traded by both foghters. Eventually I was knocked down and the match was called to and end with miracle as the victor. I vowed to get stronger and to come back with a vengance.

I fled to my chemistry lab to brew some "performance enhancing supplements" for the next match and waited quietly in a wardrobe by the ring while Miracle whooped Bruce in under a minute. She called out for her next challenger when suddenly an unknown masked luchador made his way into the ring, throwing aside his biosuit and screaming like a madman.

Someone called out from the crowd, "IT'S STAN BEEZLEBUB!"

The crowd gasped. Miracle stared slackjawed. I drew out on of my hyposprays filled with methamphetamine and shot up right in the middle of the ring, still screaming bloody murder. I charged Miracle befoee the countdown had even finished and what ensued was the battle of the century. Even with three meth filled hyposprays and a medkit, Miracle was able to hold her ground against me. We traded blows across the entire ring, beating each other to a bloody pulp.

A chair was placed on the table by rhe ring and I pulled it into the ring as I slipped into critical condition, Miracle having fallen into crit just moments earlier. We traded blows once more until I was knocked unconscious momentarily but not long enough thanks to the meth flowing through my veins. I stood one last time, shot up an entire meth hypo in one shot and staggered to the chair. I clambered on top of it and launched through the air, summersaulting into Miracle and delivering a crushing blow.

I lay there gasping for air, feeling the life drain from me. Just then, Miracle slowly rose to her feet, using the last of her strength to drive her fist into my face blacking out all of existence and ending my life. Seconds later she collapsed: her corpse draped over mine. Two fighters locked in battle, even in death.

Then a ling absorbed my corpse and a blob took over the shuttle as the clown and others tried to fight it off. The ling survived and made its way off of the shuttle Nd the hivemind lived happily ever after. 

THE END